8 Reasons to See Fighting in Your Relationship Positively

We all experience moments of quarrels and disagreements with our spouses from time to time, and no one enjoys this because we all grew up with the idea that a fight is something negative. Well, this fact is only partially true, because a disagreement, differing opinions, and fights that are conducted within a loving and supportive framework can be much more positive than you think. In fact, there are many psychology and relationship experts who even point to a host of advantages that are related to fights in relationships, and after you get to know them, you’ll understand that fights really don’t have to hurt your relationship...

1. Conflicts are a sign of a mature relationship

As long as you aren’t fighting about leaving the toilet seat up, who’s eaten the last slice of cake or what you’re going to watch tonight on TV, marital disputes are a sign of a certain maturity to be assessed. Many of us try to avoid conflicts with our environment as much as possible, but such an approach in relationships can be devastating, which is why it’s good to fight from time to time to act for what is important to us. As we mentioned earlier, these fights should be over important issues and must be held in a mature way without personally attacking the other side or shouting. Remember that your goal shouldn’t be to convince the other person and change their opinion, rather, "We need to reach an agreement, and maybe there’ll be a compromise that requires effort from both sides."

2. Conflicts are a sign that you care

The easiest way to deal with most of the things that bother us about our partners is simply to ignore them, but we don’t. Why? Because we care and we are prepared to deal with the discomfort and sometimes with the emotional pain caused by a fight, in order to invest in improving our marital future. Just like many parents and children who fight, an argument between spouses indicates commitment, hope for a better future and a deep bond, not a desire to “throw in the towel.”

3. Fighting can improve communication

It’s difficult to create a relationship with mutual trust if you do not raise points of disagreement and take care of them when necessary, even though sometimes doing so will lead to an unpleasant argument. In fact, couples who know how to fight in a healthy and correct way only benefit from talking to their partners about things that bother them. A good fight helps people honestly share the things that bother them without feeling ashamed or insecure, and helps couples promote changes in behavior through verbal communication.

4. Conflicts are an inseparable part of a healthy relationship

According to marital and psychologist experts, relationships have a number of key principles such as mutual respect, shared interests, sexual compatibility, and even fights. So, if a couple never argues it may be a sign that something is wrong in their relationship, and that neither side wants to improve the existing situation. The truth is that there is no such thing as perfect relationships and relationships between people are something that constantly changes, moves and develops, so you should always have a desire to engage in the parts of it that can be improved, and sometimes this creates inevitable friction. Keep in mind that although this situation isn’t desirable, it is part of reality and should be understood that at its core it is not necessarily a bad thing.

5. Conflicts strengthen your relationship

During a fight, it is important to remember that the goal is not to "win" or to cause the other side to "lose," but to teach and learn to create a process of positive change. The things you say and hear represent thoughts, preferences, personality and core values on both sides, and sometimes you’ll even be surprised by what you might discover about yourself! Exposing this information is an act that requires a lot of openness and willingness to be hurt, which is why the relationship grows stronger when and if the other side responds correctly and changes the conflict from something negative to an experience that strengthens the relationship in the long term.

6. Feelings of resentment can be mollified through arguments

Being part of a relationship is a wonderful thing, but it isn’t always easy and there will always be a need for mutual compromise around certain issues. Sometimes it’s natural to feel that you’re more flexible than your partner and give up more of them, and as a result, a feeling of resentment can begin to develop. The most direct way to deal with this situation is simply to raise the issues that bother you, to talk about them openly even if there is disagreement, and reach a situation where you feel that your relationship is more balanced than it was. But remember, it’s difficult and almost near impossible to achieve perfect balance in any area of your relationship and co-existence at home. You can’t start holding grudges about every little thing, as this behavior is destructive to a relationship.

7. Reasonable arguments that don’t lead to hurt feelings are a sign of long-term relationships

According to one of the authors of the bestselling book on human communication, avoiding unpleasant conversation about a topic that bothers us is a big mistake that affects all relationships, especially in romantic relationships. This avoidance is the first step on the road to creating a communication crisis because our feelings aren’t going anywhere, and if they are kept in and start piling up, it will inevitably lead to a chaotic and emotional argument. Conversely, fights about issues that are bothering you in a timely manner can help you stabilize your relationship in the long term.

8. Without differences in opinion, marriage can be boring

The reason that ends this list may seem childish to you, but many experts say it is more important than you think. True, everyone's healthy logic suggests that the last thing couples need is to fight, and that, despite all the positive points described so far, you would still prefer to be in a relationship where there is total agreement on all subjects. Now stop for a moment and think about all the times you reconciled after a quarrel, about the times when you reached a compromise that both sides were pleased with, about the progress you made following differences of opinion, and about loving your spouse even though they are so different from you.

Of course, a relationship shouldn’t be based on differences of opinion to stimulate conversations and feeling, but these are natural products of difference between people which sometimes lead to tiffs. The way we treat the quarrel is as important as its essence, which is why it’s important to remember all the points brought up in this article. Disagreements aren’t the end of the world, they’ll be exactly what you make of them, for better or worse, and they’ll probably always be an inseparable part of life. So, don’t feel bad because you go through them and remember that love is a powerful force that can always help you cope with such challenges and grow stronger.

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Spouses have strong influence on potential alcohol abuse risk in partners

Spouses with uncontrolled drinking problems have a “large and rapid” influence on the likelihood their partner will also be diagnosed with an alcohol use disorder, according to a long-term study of married couples in Sweden.

After a husband was first diagnosed with alcohol use disorder (AUD), his wife’s risk of a similar diagnosis immediately rose 14-fold compared to women whose husbands did not have that diagnosis, researchers found. But then her risk fell during the next couple of years to about four-fold. Similarly, husbands’ risk shot up nine-fold after a wife’s diagnosis, then declined to about three-fold.

It’s long been known that spouses tend to resemble each other in alcohol consumption and abuse, the study team said, but it hasn’t been clear whether that’s because people with similar habits seek each other out, or because partners exert a strong influence on one another.

When the researchers looked at whether people had alcohol use disorders before their first marriage, and what happened in second and third marriages, they found that one spouse experiencing the disorder strongly influences the other’s current risk.

“Marriage partners can have a very substantial and causal effect on each other’s risk for AUD. In treating one married individual, you need to take their spouse into account,” lead author said.

About 15 million adults in the United States age 18 or older have alcohol use disorder, according to the national statistics. An estimated 88,000 people with AUD die from alcohol-related causes annually, including liver damage, certain cancers and car crashes.

For the new analysis, which is the largest and first to look at risk over time and across multiple marriages, the team examined data collected from Swedish medical, criminal and pharmacy registries of residents born between 1960 and 1990. They identified 8,562 couples in first marriages with no history of alcohol use disorder in either partner prior to marriage and one spouse developing the disorder during the marriage.

The research team also studied 4,891 individuals with multiple marriages whose first spouse had no alcohol use disorder and second spouse did, or the reverse. When individuals transitioned from a first marriage to a spouse with an alcohol use disorder to a second marriage to a partner without the disorder, their risk for developing the disorder themselves was halved.

However, after a first marriage to a spouse without an alcohol use disorder, individuals who married a partner with the disorder raised their own risk seven- to nine-fold. A similar, but weaker risk increase was seen in third marriages with these combinations.

“The finding that marriage to a non-AUD spouse can be somewhat protective for individuals who subsequently marry spouses with AUD in one spouse and the risk of developing AUD in the other spouse is novel,” a project officer said.

A scientist, who was not involved in the research, also said part of what makes this study unique is the focus on the temporal relationship between the development of AUD in one spouse and the risk of developing AUD in the other spouse.

Among the study’s limitations is that it is based on registry data and likely reflects a higher proportion of individuals more severely affected by medical and legal problems than other prior studies, the authors note.

Past research among twins and children of alcoholics has shown that genetic factors do influence alcoholism, they add. The current study indicates, though, that alcohol use disorders shared by married couples are not just a result of people seeking out mates who are similar to them in this regard, the authors write.

“Additional research can help to illuminate the interplay of social and genetic factors on risk and protective mechanisms of marital status on development of AUD across the lifespan, and the impact of these factors on couples’ children as well,” the Prof. said.

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Spouse death may up risk of heart attack, stroke

The risk of heart attack or stroke is increased in the first 30 days after a partner’s death, a new study published in the journal JAMA internal Medicine has warned. Bereavement is recognised as a risk factor for death and is associated with cardiovascular events, researchers said. Researchers from St George’s University of London, compared the rate of myocardial infarction or stroke in 30,447 older patients, ages 60 to 89, whose partner died to that of 83,588 individuals whose partners were still alive during the same period.

Fifty patients (0.16 per cent) experienced MI or stroke within 30 days of their partner’s death compared with 67 (0.08per cent) of controls, researchers found. The increased risk of MI or stroke in bereaved men and women lessened after 30 days, researchers said. “We have described a marked increase in cardiovascular risk in the month after spousal bereavement, which seems likely to be the result of adverse physiological responses associated with acute grief,” researchers said.

“A better understanding of psychosocial factors associated with acute cardiovascular events may provide opportunities for prevention and improved clinical care,” they said.

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Its official! Supportive spouses are good for your health

 A new study has shown that the ways in which your spouse is supportive - and how you support your spouse - can actually have significant bearing on your overall cardiovascular health.

The findings from researchers at the University of Utah reveal that when both partners perceive the support they get from each other as ambivalent- that is, sometimes helpful and sometimes upsetting- each partner's levels of coronary artery calcification (CAC) tend to be particularly high.

Bert Uchino, psychological scientist of the University of Utah and his colleagues - Timothy Smith and Cynthia Berg - were interested in exploring how the positive and negative aspects of a relationship predicts cardiovascular health.

"The findings suggest that couples who have more ambivalent views of each other actively interact or process relationship information in ways that increase their stress or undermine the supportive potential in the relationship," Uchino said. "This, in turn, may influence their cardiovascular disease risk."

The study was published in the journal Psychological Science. 

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Does your spouse have diabetes? You may be at risk too

You may be at a higher risk of developing type 2 diabetes if your spouse has it, scientists, including one of Indian-origin, have found.

Researchers found that a person is at 26 per cent increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes if their spouse also has the condition.

The team from the McGill University Health Centre (MUHC) in Montreal has found, through combined analyses of several studies, evidence that spousal diabetes is a diabetes risk factor.

“We found a 26 per cent increase in the risk of developing type 2 diabetes if your spouse also has type 2 diabetes,” said senior author of the study, Dr Kaberi Dasgupta, researcher at the Research Institute of the MUHC and an associate professor of medicine at McGill University.

“This may be a platform to assist clinicians to develop strategies to involve both partners. Changing health behaviour is challenging and if you have the collaboration of your partner it’s likely to be easier,” Dasgupta said.

Researchers wanted to see if diabetes in one partner could lead to diabetes in the other partner because many of the risk behaviours that lead to diabetes, such as poor eating habits and low physical activity, could be shared within a household.

Researchers analysed results from six selected studies that were conducted in different parts of the world and looked at key outcomes such as age, socioeconomic status and the way in which diabetes was diagnosed in 75,498 couples.

Most of the studies used in the meta analysis relied on health records which may not always accurately record diabetes, researchers said.

Those that used direct blood testing suggested that diabetes risk doubles if your partner has diabetes. A strong correlation with pre-diabetes risk was also found.

“When we look at the health history of patients, we often ask about family history. Our results suggest spousal history may be another factor we should take in consideration,” said Dasgupta.

“The results of our review suggest that diabetes diagnosis in one spouse may warrant increased surveillance in the other,” she said.

“Moreover, it has been observed that men are less likely than women to undergo regular medical evaluation after childhood and that can result in delayed diabetes detection.

As a result, men living with a spouse with diabetes history may particularly benefit from being followed more closely,” she said.

The study was published in the journal BMC Medicine.

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