Why Science Says Emotionally Intelligent People Follow the Rule of No Complaints

When something bad happens, venting can actually make you feel worse--for days.

Every group has one: The person who, no matter what happens, refuses to complain. Who, no matter how frustrating the situation, refuses to vent.

Who somehow stays positive and keeps moving forward. Admirable, right?

But also, truth be told, a tad irritating to the rest of us. After all, we're taught to vent, because venting is good for us: Holding it all in will eventually cause us to blow.

Or not.

Science says that person -- the one who never complains -- is definitely on to something. According to research published in 2015 in European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology,complaining actually makes you feel worse.

For days.

"Discussing events immediately during or after they occur forces the brain to re-live or 'rehearse' the negative emotional response," the researchers write. "This creates a stronger association in memory, exaggerating the influence of the emotional episode."

Or in simpler terms, complaining about a negative event actually cements the incident in your mind. Instead of helping you to move on, complaining causes the negative feelings to bleed over into other areas of your life. The researchers found that people who complained were in a worse mood, felt less satisfaction and pride in the work they were doing, and were significantly more likely to feel less happy and experience poorer self-esteem the next day as well.

Add it all up and complaining makes you feel worse today and worse tomorrow.

Why? The researchers think complaining about a negative event is like experiencing the same thing twice -- once when it happened, and again during the retelling -- and two bad experiences are always worse than one. Complaining also tends to cause a ripple effect: I complain, you complain, we both tell each other how badly something sucks--and now whatever happened seems even worse. 

Either way, complaining doesn't help.

That doesn't mean the only response to a negative situation is to simply grin and bear it. Nor does it mean you just have to suck it up.

As Inc. colleague Justin Bariso writes, emotional intelligence ultimately means making your emotions work for you, not against you. 

So instead of wasting energy by complaining, blow off that steam by talking about how you'll make things better. What you'll do next time. What you won't do next time. Into ensuring you won't need to refrain from complaining next time because you'll find ways to ensure you won't be in the same situation again.

That's the conversation you should have with other people.

Or even just with yourself.

Make staying positive -- or what the researchers call embracing "sportsmanlike" behaviors -- a skill, one you improve through practice and repetition.

And don't stop there.

When the people around you complain, listen. Empathize. And then help them shift their focus to finding ways to improve the situation.

Because research also shows that when your friends feel happier and more productive, so do you.

Win-win.

This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.   

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Why You Should Take More Time Off from Work

Americans generally believe that they need to “deserve” their vacations—that they should work hard, even push themselves, before they actually take a break. 

Consider these statistics:  

• Although Americans have fewer vacation days than people in any other country, they have been taking less and less vacation over the last 15 years. 
• Fifty-five percent of Americans did not use all their vacation days in 2015.
• Even when they actually do take vacation, 41 percent are checking into work while away (i.e., they are not fully unplugging).
• 84 percent of U.S. executives have cancelled vacations in order to work.

·         There may be cultural reasons for this phenomenon. Countries most influenced by the Protestant work ethic, like the United States, place a lot of value on industriousness and proving oneself—as opposed to countries influenced by Catholicism, which is a salvation-based religion. In Catholic-influenced France, for example, 90 percent of people take all of their vacation days (despite having more than twice as many—30!—as most Americans).

·         Ironically, while Americans may pride themselves on their hard work and dedication, research suggests that we will actually work harder, perform better, and have greater health, stamina, and enthusiasm for our work if we take time off. 

·         Three ways vacation is good for you

·         Research suggests that leisure is an important predictor of our well-being and satisfaction with life, including our health, work engagement, creativity, and even marital satisfaction.

·         1. Vacation is relaxing. We often take vacations in order to relax, but do they actually work? Scientists out of the University of California, San Francisco, examined this question with a rigorous study: They looked at the impact of a resort vacation and a meditation retreat on biological measures of stress and immune function. The data showed that a resort vacation not only makes us feel more energetic and less stressed than we were before we took the vacation, it also leads to a strong and immediate impact on molecular networks associated with stress and immune function. Participants who attended the meditation retreat also showed a boost in antiviral activity.

·         So pick your favorite leisure activity: surfing in the sun and hanging under the cabana, or sitting on a zafu and taking yoga. 

·         2. Breaks make you more productive. Another personal and professional advantage of taking vacations is the ability to detach from work.

·         Sabine Sonnentag, professor of organizational psychology at the University of Mannheim in Germany, finds that the inability to detach from work comes with symptoms of burnout, which of course impact well-being and productivity. However, disengaging from work when you are not at work, she finds, makes us more resilient in the face of stress and more productive and engaged at work. Even a short weekend getaway can provide significant work-stress recovery, while longer trips away provide even more relief.

·         After a vacation, 64 percent of people say that they are ”refreshed and excited to get back to my job.” It’s a win-win both for employees and organizations alike, especially given the fact that unused vacation costs U.S. business $224 billion per year.  

·         3. A change of pace boosts creativity. Another professional advantage from taking time off is a boost in creativity. Across countries and industries, CEOs rate creativity as the #1 most important trait for all incoming employees. Yet researcher Kyung Hee Kim, author of The Creativity Challenge, has shown that we are facing a dramatic “creativity crisis,” with creativity scores dropping significantly in younger generations. Here again, more vacations and leisure may help. 

·         Many workers tend to specialize in their own field, and fail to explore new areas or diversify their interests. Yet research shows that being exposed to new and different experiences actually boosts your creativity. For example, one study showed that hiking in nature disconnected from all devices for four days—a very unusual experience in our day and age—led to a 50 percent spike in creativity. 

·         Brain imaging studies show that doing nothing, being idle, daydreaming, and relaxing create alpha waves in the brain that are key to creative insights and innovative breakthroughs. And research by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson has shown that positive emotions—the kind we feel on a relaxing, playful vacation—make us more inventive and able to think outside the box.

·         How to make the most of your vacation

·         When planning your time off, keep in mind that all leisure activities are not created equal. A German study comparing different leisure activities showed that while spending time with friends, doing sports, and vacationing boost your well-being substantially, other leisure activities including Internet browsing and TV watching do not; in fact, they lead to lower satisfaction with life. That means that your couch isn’t necessarily the best vacation destination.

·         Depending on your age and gender, research by Iva Sverko and colleagues has shown, different leisure activities may lead to greater well-being—but for people of all ages, leisure activities like visiting friends and family and going to church are positively linked to well-being. Later in life, for example, social activities seem to be particularly important. This finding makes sense since a large and growing body of research shows that the degree to which we are socially connected across our lifespan significantly improves our physical and psychological health, and even our longevity.

·         When should you schedule your time away from work? Some of us are so good at delayed gratification that we’re constantly putting off our vacations, thinking we’ll enjoy our “well-deserved” leisure more later—after we write that report, finish that big project, or get a promotion. But this is not necessarily true: A new study shows that fun times are fun times no matter what, and we enjoy them just as much whether they come before or after hard work. Also, the professional and personal benefits that we get from leisure time may help us succeed at our work goals. 

·         So plan your vacation now. Better yet, don’t get caught up in too much planning. Another recent study suggests that spontaneous leisure activities are more rewarding than planned ones. So let your hair down, play hooky, and let loose once in a while. There’s still some summer left, so enjoy!

This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.   

https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com. one can see my crochet creations  
https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com. feel free to view for easy, simple and healthy recipes    
https://kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com. for info on knee replacement