Why Science Says Emotionally Intelligent People Follow the Rule of No Complaints

When something bad happens, venting can actually make you feel worse--for days.

Every group has one: The person who, no matter what happens, refuses to complain. Who, no matter how frustrating the situation, refuses to vent.

Who somehow stays positive and keeps moving forward. Admirable, right?

But also, truth be told, a tad irritating to the rest of us. After all, we're taught to vent, because venting is good for us: Holding it all in will eventually cause us to blow.

Or not.

Science says that person -- the one who never complains -- is definitely on to something. According to research published in 2015 in European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology,complaining actually makes you feel worse.

For days.

"Discussing events immediately during or after they occur forces the brain to re-live or 'rehearse' the negative emotional response," the researchers write. "This creates a stronger association in memory, exaggerating the influence of the emotional episode."

Or in simpler terms, complaining about a negative event actually cements the incident in your mind. Instead of helping you to move on, complaining causes the negative feelings to bleed over into other areas of your life. The researchers found that people who complained were in a worse mood, felt less satisfaction and pride in the work they were doing, and were significantly more likely to feel less happy and experience poorer self-esteem the next day as well.

Add it all up and complaining makes you feel worse today and worse tomorrow.

Why? The researchers think complaining about a negative event is like experiencing the same thing twice -- once when it happened, and again during the retelling -- and two bad experiences are always worse than one. Complaining also tends to cause a ripple effect: I complain, you complain, we both tell each other how badly something sucks--and now whatever happened seems even worse. 

Either way, complaining doesn't help.

That doesn't mean the only response to a negative situation is to simply grin and bear it. Nor does it mean you just have to suck it up.

As Inc. colleague Justin Bariso writes, emotional intelligence ultimately means making your emotions work for you, not against you. 

So instead of wasting energy by complaining, blow off that steam by talking about how you'll make things better. What you'll do next time. What you won't do next time. Into ensuring you won't need to refrain from complaining next time because you'll find ways to ensure you won't be in the same situation again.

That's the conversation you should have with other people.

Or even just with yourself.

Make staying positive -- or what the researchers call embracing "sportsmanlike" behaviors -- a skill, one you improve through practice and repetition.

And don't stop there.

When the people around you complain, listen. Empathize. And then help them shift their focus to finding ways to improve the situation.

Because research also shows that when your friends feel happier and more productive, so do you.

Win-win.

This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.   

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28 Things We HAVE to Stop Doing to Ourselves

For many years, I was my own worst enemy. I surrounded myself with toxic people, adopted unhealthy habits, and behaved like none of this had any consequences. Boy, was I wrong! I have made some changes in my life and my behavior, and the results were astounding. I now want to share these changes with you, in the hope that it will help you too.
 

1. Don’t associate with the wrong people
People who make you feel like you’re not worth their time, who treat you like you’re beneath them, or who never back you up when you need them to are not people you should spend time with. True friends will make time for you and stick with you through thick and thin.

2. Stop avoiding your problems
It may be the easy thing to do in the short term, but in the long run, you’ll just face them again and again. It’s better to tackle hardship head-on. You probably won’t solve your problems instantly, but the process is what counts – learn from your mistakes, adapt and grow. Eventually, it’ll make you a better, stronger person.

3. Don’t lie to yourself
Honesty is the best policy, and being honest with yourself is the most important part of this policy. When you lie to yourself, you know that you’re lying, so it’s pointless and will make you feel like a disingenuous person. Don’t do it.

4. Don’t ignore your own needs
You may want to be there for all of your friends, all the time, or you may think that your children’s needs come before your happiness. They don’t. If you suppress your needs, you’ll become tired, because fighting a need is tiresome, and you’ll end up unhappy at best and severely depressed at worst. Take some “me time” - indulge in a hobby or passion. It’s worth it.

5. Be yourself
Trying to be someone you’re not is hard work, and ultimately, you’ll always be afraid others will find out. The most gratifying relationships are with people who appreciate you for who you are, not who you want others to think you are.

6. Let go of the past
It cannot be changed, so learn from it and get on with it.

7. You can make mistakes
“To err is human, to forgive is divine” – we all make mistakes, and no one is perfect. The only way to make no mistakes is to do nothing, and people who are afraid of mistakes are often paralyzed by that fear. The more things you avoid out of fear, the more regrets you’ll end up having.

8. Let bygones be bygones
Staying up late at night, thinking of all of the things you did wrong, all of the conversations that could have gone differently if you’d have said (or hadn't said) that one thing? You’re wasting your time and energy. Past mistakes are done and gone - you can learn from them, make amends, and move on. The knowledge learned from the mistakes you made in the past are helping to shape your future. They will end up making you a better person.

9. Money can’t buy you happiness
That new TV, shiny car, those diamond earrings – they may make you happy for a few minutes, a few days or even a couple of years, but true happiness comes from within. Follow your passions and enjoy life – that will make you truly happy.


10. Happiness is in you, not in other people
Other people are looking for happiness just like you, they may like to join you for the ride, but the only person responsible for your happiness - is you.

11. A rolling stone gathers no moss
Problems and fears can paralyze you and get you stuck. You may need to stop over-thinking and try a different approach, but always take decisive action once you do. Sure, you’ll make mistakes, but at least you won’t be stuck anymore.

12. Don’t get into a relationship just because you’re lonely

A relationship requires two people who are both ready and willing to be in a relationship. Loneliness may be a terrible feeling, but being with the wrong person ends up feeling even worse. You’ll find the right person as long as you’re true to yourself.

13. Don’t wait until you’re “ready”

Life will always find ways to surprise you. Opportunities arise when you least expect them. You may never be ready, but don’t let it stop you. When an opportunity comes knocking – take it. When you need to do something – do it. Don’t get stuck in your comfort zone.

14. Old relationships shouldn’t affect new relationships
Even if your last relationship (or relationships) ended in heartbreak, don’t let it prevent you from entering a new one. A new person may help you mend that broken heart and bring out the best in you.

15. Life is not a competition
Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be someone who seems better looking, smarter, richer, or more talented. Nobody is perfect, including you. Your success is your own - between you and yourself.

16. Self-pity and complaints will get you nowhere
Wallowing in your own misery and constantly complaining doesn’t solve your problems, and also tends to push people away. Consider every time something bad happened, and find the good that came out of it. You’ll realize that hardship is just a matter of perspective.

17. Grudges are bad for your health
Holding on to anger and hate will push people away, and end up hurting you and your loved ones. To forgive doesn’t mean ignoring what was done to you, but rather to acknowledge it and refuse to let it dampen your happiness. Also, remember to forgive yourself as well.

18. Don’t let others make you stoop to their level
“Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.”

19. Stop wasting time on justifying yourself
Your friends don’t require explanations, and enemies won’t care. As long as you know in your heart that you are right, stop apologizing.

20. If something doesn’t work, try a different approach
Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

21. Small moments count
We tend to remember only the big moments, but the majority of life occurs in small doses. A shooting star, a moment of joy, the last rays of a sunset – these are the fillings of life’s cake, and it’s the best part. 

22. Perfection is impossible
No one and nothing is perfect, and perfectionists are often the most frustrated people in the world.

23. Don’t separate optimism from realism
Sometimes things fall apart, and that’s okay. Sometimes you feel weak, and that’s also okay. You can’t pretend that everything is fine when it clearly isn’t, so don’t avoid the truth – embrace it.

24. The easiest choice is not always the best one
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and the easy way out often leaves you feeling empty. Dare. Take risks. A truly extraordinary life is never an easy one.

25. Take responsibility for your actions  The only person you can control in this world is you. Other people can’t make your dreams come true for you, nor can they take the blame for your mistakes. Don’t give other people power over you.

26. Don’t make yourself sick with worry
Worrying doesn’t solve problems, but it definitely can create new ones. If you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself if it will really impact you in the future – if it doesn’t, it’s not worth worrying about.
  27. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want
A positive approach helps in two ways – it aids with your happiness and helps you solve problems faster than a negative one.

28. Remember to be grateful
When you wake up each morning, be thankful that you’re alive, appreciate each day and be grateful for what you’ve got. In other parts of the world, people may not be so lucky.

THIS IS ONLY FOR INFORMATION, ALWAYS CONSULT YOU PHYSICIAN BEFORE HAVING ANY PARTICULAR FOOD/ MEDICATION/EXERCISE/OTHER REMEDIES.                                    PS- THOSE INTERESTED IN RECIPES ARE FREE TO  VIEW MY BLOG-                                                                                           https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com/                                                                                                                                                         FOR INFO ABOUT KNEE REPLACEMENT, YOU CAN VIEW MY BLOG-                                                  https:// kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com/           

                   FOR CROCHET DESIGNS                                                                                                                                                                                                  https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com

Simple Tips To Lead A Happy Life

Quite often we are our own enemies. Surprised, when you read below then you'll realise and change for the better. At times, we're surrounded by people who have lots of negativity, we've wrong company, some may pick up some bad habits, of which we're not aware of. If we make some changes in our lives and behavior, the results would be astounding. I now want to share these changes with you, in the hope that it will help you too.

1. Don’t associate with the wrong people
People who make you feel like you’re not worth their time, who treat you like you’re beneath them, or who never back you up when you need them to are not people you should spend time with. True friends will make time for you and stick with you through thick and thin.
2. Stop avoiding your problems
It may be the easy thing to do in the short term, but in the long run, you’ll just face them again and again. It’s better to tackle hardship head-on. You probably won’t solve your problems instantly, but the process is what counts – learn from your mistakes, adapt and grow. Eventually, it’ll make you a better, stronger person.
3. Don’t lie to yourself
Honesty is the best policy, and being honest with yourself is the most important part of this policy. When you lie to yourself, you know that you’re lying, so it’s pointless and will make you feel like a disingenuous person. Don’t do it.

 

4. Don’t ignore your own needs
You may want to be there for all of your friends, all the time, or you may think that your children’s needs come before your happiness. They don’t. If you suppress your needs, you’ll become tired, because fighting a need is tiresome, and you’ll end up unhappy at best and severely depressed at worst. Take some “me time” - indulge in a hobby or passion. It’s worth it.
5. Be yourself
Trying to be someone you’re not is hard work, and ultimately, you’ll always be afraid others will find out. The most gratifying relationships are with people who appreciate you for who you are, not who you want others to think you are.
6. Let go of the past
It cannot be changed, so learn from it and get on with it.

7. You can make mistakes
“To err is human, to forgive is divine” – we all make mistakes, and no one is perfect. The only way to make no mistakes is to do nothing, and people who are afraid of mistakes are often paralyzed by that fear. The more things you avoid out of fear, the more regrets you’ll end up having.
8. Let bygones be bygones
Staying up late at night, thinking of all of the things you did wrong, all of the conversations that could have gone differently if you’d have said (or hadn't said) that one thing? You’re wasting your time and energy. Past mistakes are done and gone - you can learn from them, make amends, and move on. The knowledge learned from the mistakes you made in the past are helping to shape your future. They will end up making you a better person.
9. Money can’t buy you happiness
That new TV, shiny car, those diamond earrings – they may make you happy for a few minutes, a few days or even a couple of years, but true happiness comes from within. Follow your passions and enjoy life – that will make you truly happy.

10. Happiness is in you, not in other people
Other people are looking for happiness just like you, they may like to join you for the ride, but the only person responsible for your happiness - is you.
11. A rolling stone gathers no moss
Problems and fears can paralyze you and get you stuck. You may need to stop over-thinking and try a different approach, but always take decisive action once you do. Sure, you’ll make mistakes, but at least you won’t be stuck anymore.

12. Don’t get into a relationship just because you’re lonely

A relationship requires two people who are both ready and willing to be in a relationship. Loneliness may be a terrible feeling, but being with the wrong person ends up feeling even worse. You’ll find the right person as long as you’re true to yourself.

13. Don’t wait until you’re “ready”

Life will always find ways to surprise you. Opportunities arise when you least expect them. You may never be ready, but don’t let it stop you. When an opportunity comes knocking – take it. When you need to do something – do it. Don’t get stuck in your comfort zone.

14. Old relationships shouldn’t affect new relationships
Even if your last relationship (or relationships) ended in heartbreak, don’t let it prevent you from entering a new one. A new person may help you mend that broken heart and bring out the best in you.
15. Life is not a competition
Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be someone who seems better looking, smarter, richer, or more talented. Nobody is perfect, including you. Your success is your own - between you and yourself.

16. Self-pity and complaints will get you nowhere
Wallowing in your own misery and constantly complaining doesn’t solve your problems, and also tends to push people away. Consider every time something bad happened, and find the good that came out of it. You’ll realize that hardship is just a matter of perspective.
17. Grudges are bad for your health
Holding on to anger and hate will push people away, and end up hurting you and your loved ones. To forgive doesn’t mean ignoring what was done to you, but rather to acknowledge it and refuse to let it dampen your happiness. Also, remember to forgive yourself as well.
18. Don’t let others make you stoop to their level
“Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.”

19. Stop wasting time on justifying yourself
Your friends don’t require explanations, and enemies won’t care. As long as you know in your heart that you are right, stop apologizing.
20. If something doesn’t work, try a different approach
Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
21. Small moments count
We tend to remember only the big moments, but the majority of life occurs in small doses. A shooting star, a moment of joy, the last rays of a sunset – these are the fillings of life’s cake, and it’s the best part. 

22. Perfection is impossible
No one and nothing is perfect, and perfectionists are often the most frustrated people in the world.
23. Don’t separate optimism from realism
Sometimes things fall apart, and that’s okay. Sometimes you feel weak, and that’s also okay. You can’t pretend that everything is fine when it clearly isn’t, so don’t avoid the truth – embrace it.
24. The easiest choice is not always the best one
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and the easy way out often leaves you feeling empty. Dare. Take risks. A truly extraordinary life is never an easy one.
25. Take responsibility for your actions
The only person you can control in this world is you. Other people can’t make your dreams come true for you, nor can they take the blame for your mistakes. Don’t give other people power over you.
26. Don’t make yourself sick with worry
Worrying doesn’t solve problems, but it definitely can create new ones. If you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself if it will really impact you in the future – if it doesn’t, it’s not worth worrying about. 27. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want
A positive approach helps in two ways – it aids with your happiness and helps you solve problems faster than a negative one.
28. Remember to be grateful
When you wake up each morning, be thankful that you’re alive, appreciate each day and be grateful for what you’ve got. In other parts of the world, people may not be so lucky.

THIS IS ONLY FOR INFORMATION, ALWAYS CONSULT YOU PHYSICIAN BEFORE HAVING ANY PARTICULAR FOOD/ MEDICATION/EXERCISE/OTHER REMEDIES.                                    PS- THOSE INTERESTED IN RECIPES ARE FREE TO  VIEW MY BLOG-                                                                                           https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com/                                                                                                                                                         FOR INFO ABOUT KNEE REPLACEMENT, YOU CAN VIEW MY BLOG-                                                  https:// kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com/           

                                                                           FOR CROCHET DESIGNS                                                                                                                                                                                                  https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com