7 Expert Tips For Beating Depression Effectively
Wounds and bruises that appear on our
bodies as a result of falling or receiving a blow are usually not
complicated to treat. On the other hand, there are wounds that can’t be
seen on the body which are harder, deeper, and more painful than
anything that bleeds outward.
These are depression and heartbreak - two
experiences that are not easy to deal with, for those going through them
and for those around them. Marc Chernoff - life coach, mentor, and a
popular blogger for over 10 years, who has himself coped with depression
and heartbreak, as well as helped patients who have been afflicted with
them – has some important things to say about coping, and we highly
recommend you read through them!
1. Don’t get confused - depression is not a
deeper state of heartbreak or sadness
Unfortunately, there are people who have not experienced real
depression, yet they conclude that they know it well only because
they’ve been through a bad divorce, were laid off from work, or lost a
person who was dear to them. Although all these states of life may cause
depression, they do not in themselves create depression by default,
because while they bring with them very strong emotional feelings (as a
byproduct of heartbreak), depression is actually a flat, hollow and
almost unbearable empty feeling, which rids the person of all feeling,
hope or reason for life. Therefore, heartbreak or deep sadness can be a
catalyst for depression, but it is not in itself a direct response to
these difficult situations, but only a later development, and therefore
they must be separated and know how to be dealt with.
2. Depression is not a state of mind that
is consciously or logically chosen
Being depressed is like getting lost in the woods. It is only with time
that you begin to notice that something is wrong, that you have already
gone too far of the familiar route, and you are now deep in the thicket,
no longer able to tell where the sun rises or where it sets. You do not
choose to be where you are, but cannot see your way out of there!
Depression is one of the most helpless and exhausting emotional states a
person can go through, no doubt. Sometimes it is expressed in a sense
of disorientation, sometimes a total loss of hope, sometimes a general
lack of sense, and sometimes even a terrible sense of death. But in no
case at any stage does someone choose to be depressed, and no one can
"turn off" this difficult feeling just like that, at any moment they
want to. This is a state of consciousness that must be dealt with, and
in order to recover from it, it is necessary to go step by step, very
carefully, over a long period of time.
3. Being loved during depression can be a
great and impossible burden
Depression is a situation in which a person feels deep loneliness and a
need for distance, all which cause them to seek isolation. People who
suffer from depression will often feel very anxious about the very
feeling of them being burdens on the shoulders of their close ones,
which makes them want to isolate themselves even more and even reject
the few people they really need.
So if your loved one gets depressed and becomes distant and isolated -
do your best to remind them that you are still around to help them with
whatever they need, but do not try to get them to socialize with you or
talk to you about their feelings if they don’t want to. Try to create
opportunities for one-on-one informal conversations, even if they’re
only for a few minutes, and thus you may be able to break the barrier of
loneliness that the individual has created for him or herself.
4. Depression and heartbreak can exhaust the human spirit
Relentless exhaustion is a common side effect of depression, as well as
severe heartbreak. In such situations even getting out of bed in the
morning can seem like an agonizing experience and an impossible task for
those suffering from internal distress. In addition, people with
depression tend to be fickle - they can look all right one minute, and a
moment later they are completely depleted of energy and show extreme
exhaustion, even if they have eaten a good meal or slept for hours.
So, if you love someone who is suffering from depression, you should
remind yourself of the simple truth: Depression, and, to a lesser
degree, heartbreak, can take from almost anything you have. While all
your words and actions should come from the heart, do not expect them to
return that love. Accept the fact that this is the case when a person
is caught in such a feeling, and once you do not take their cool
attitude towards you personally, you’ll free yourself from great
suffering and will be able to give true unconditional love.
tips for depression
5. Classic clichés never help people who
are depressed
"Time heals all wounds," "it’s not that big of a deal," "you just need
to breathe some fresh air," "it's time to move on with life," – these
are clichés which people with depression often have to deal with, which
are sometimes true and sometimes really not. Even if they come from a
good place, many of those with depression will be very suspicious and
feel that the person saying them isn’t really paying attention, doesn’t
really understand their problem, and is just trying to pacify the
depressed person with phrases that are essentially worthless.
If so, what should you say to a relative or friend suffering from
depression? First, it is clear that there is no one answer for every
situation, and it is recommended that you simply do your best to speak
openly, sincerely and with a genuine desire to help and be supportive.
You can say something like, "I love you, and I'm not the only one,
please believe that it's worth living for those who love you, even if
you do not feel that way now. “Take a deep breath, be strong - live here
and now - and take a tiny step forward every day, I'm here now, and
I'll be here tomorrow, by your side.” Then give them a long hug.
6. In the long run, heartbreak can be an anchor for recovery and a
better life
Heartbreak has never been a pleasant thing, but it can serve as a
catalyst for healing, and empowering the mind once it is properly
internalized and processed. The difficult experience of heartbreak,
which comes in the wake of the loss of a person close to you, is indeed
very difficult, but you can overcome it by perpetuating the uniqueness
of that beloved and turning it into your daily inspiration. By doing so,
those loved ones you have lost will continue to live in your broken
heart, which will not fully heal but will continue to grow, and
experience life in full force, despite the hole that has been created
within it.
This can be compared to a person who has broken their ankle and never
recovered from it. Although it is still difficult for them to dance,
they do so with a slight limp, but one that makes their performance
deeper and illuminates their personality in an authentic light. This
world and this life makes us, the people, bigger and stronger first of
all by breaking us. The journey to recovery is careful and precise -
one that begins with a great crisis and a severe fall and ends with a
life that fills our hearts and minds with compassion, understanding,
love and deep wisdom, qualities that we probably could not have acquired
in any other way.
7. Painful hardships can lead to
"post-traumatic growth"
As a continuation of the previous section, it is highly recommended that
you familiarize yourself with one of the most developing fields in the
science of psychology, called "post-traumatic growth," which despite its
threatening name is a very positive field, claiming that we, as human
beings, are able to use the various types of distress and hardship we
encounter in life for our long-term intellectual development. How could
that be, you ask?
When our view of the world as a positive and safe place is undermined by
the occurrence of different events in our lives, it requires us to
reboot our whole way of looking at life. Along with the right support
and healing processes from these heartbreaks, we are also gradually
developing the ability to see things in a new light and in different
eyes, which can have a very positive effect on our future personal
growth. The researchers found that many of the various adversities we
experience can ultimately develop our feelings of commitment, mental
strength, and resourcefulness, and bring us to a much better place later
in life.
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