Monday, May 24, 2021

This Might Change Your Perspective on Anger

Anger is a frequently misunderstood emotion. It’s common to believe that anger is destructive, or that it's the result of a bad attitude, but the truth is more complicated than that. Not only is anger human, but it is also a necessary function. When managed properly, it can even yield some positive outcomes. Accepting that anger is a part of life and knowing its true nature is key to utilizing this inevitable emotion effectively.

The following facts about anger might change your views on this misunderstood emotion. 
 
1. Anger is not inherently bad
Facts That Might Your Perspective On Anger frustrated girl
One of the most common misconceptions about anger is that feeling anger is bad. The facts are quite different, as anger is an important emotion that is there to alert us that something is wrong. Adults and children experience anger differently. Children mostly feel anger as frustration. For example, they will become angry when they can’t have something they want when they want it. 
 
Adults, on the other hand, get angry when they feel out of control. Anger in itself isn’t a bad or even dangerous emotion, as long as you address it and understand the underlying issues that it’s trying to point out. At the end of the day, anger can motivate us to respond to confrontation, unfairness, and other problems. Figuring out why we feel angry is the first step to reaping the benefits from this emotion.

2. Anger can stimulate motivation
Since we’re on the topic of benefits, one of the greatest upsides of anger is that it's a motivating force. Usually, expressing anger is linked to aggression. However, anger can be expressed in an infinite number of ways. While aggression is one of them, so are assertiveness and problem-solving. 
 
According to Psychology Today, brain scans show anger significantly activates the left anterior cortex, which is associated with positive approach behaviors. Moreover, studies have shown pre-dominant left-brain activation when angry subjects perceive that they can make things better. “Expecting to be able to act to resolve the angering event should yield greater approach motivational intensity,” explained social psychologists Charles Carver of the University of Miami. 
 
3. Anger has a strong physical component
Anger is an emotion that manifests itself through strong physical sensations: tensed muscles, clenched teeth, rapid heartbeat, and sweaty palms. Anger triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response - just as fear, excitement, and anxiety do. The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. The brain then shunts blood towards the muscles in preparation for physical exertion. 
 
These physical reactions can make us feel as though anger is controlling us, but trying to resist them will only make matters worse. According to mental health experts, the best course of action is to fully allow yourself to feel what is present. Leaning into those sensations and expressing your anger rather than trying to conceal it will calm your nervous system quicker.
 
4. Uncontrolled anger and outbursts can harm your heart health
While constructively expressing your anger is physically beneficial, lashing out isn’t. Issues with controlling anger and angry outbursts can have harmful and even dangerous consequences. Anger is most physically damaging to your cardiac health. A study published in the European Heart Journal found that the risk of a heart attack is doubled in the two hours following an angry outburst, and so is the risk of having a stroke. Another study found that people prone to anger as a personality trait had twice the risk of coronary disease than their less angry peers.

The good news is that you can learn to control those angry explosions. Deep breaths and assertive communication skills are two helpful tools when you feel you’re about to lose your temper. You may even need to change your environment by getting up and walking away.
 
5. Perfectionism often leads to anger
Facts That Might Your Perspective On Anger perfectionism
Striving to always do your best is one thing, but believing you need to be perfect is a different thing altogether. Some aspects of perfectionism help us move towards success, but this quality has a dark side, too. In the last two decades, there has been an increase in the number of studies exploring the relationship between perfectionism and anger. 
 
One such study found that self-directed perfectionism is associated with anger and frustration with oneself, while socially prescribed perfectionism is related to anger directed towards others. Learning to replace self-criticism with compassion and allowing imperfection is a long process, but it's definitely worth the time and effort.

6. Aggression is hereditary
As we established, feeling angry is normal and healthy. Expressing it through aggression, however, is not. If violence only brings negative results, why is it the default reaction to anger? Modern society inherited this tendency from its ancestral past. Aggression helped out forebears survive and reproduce. Until about 12,000 years ago, all humans lived as hunter-gatherers. 
 
Research conducted by anthropologists who lived with hunter-gatherer tribes found that hunter-gatherer men who committed acts of homicide had more children, as they were more likely to survive. More recently, scientists were able to find a link between aggression and a specific gene - monoamine oxidase A or MAOA - proving beyond a doubt that aggression is hereditary. 
 
7. The best way to defuse anger
Facts That Might Your Perspective On Anger laughing
Humor and laughter have been proven time and again to be powerful tools to lower stress levels and dissolve anger. Almost by definition, humor represents a different way of perceiving things. A joke or a shared laugh can lighten anger’s heavy load because you suddenly see the problem from a completely different perspective. The moment when our fundamental perception of something changes is called cognitive shifting. It can make a frustrating situation seem silly and less significant. 
 
An important caveat, though, is that humor is effective at diffusing anger when it's directed at a situation and not a person.


This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.   

https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com. one can see my crochet creations  
https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com. feel free to view for easy, simple and healthy recipes    
https://kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com. for info on knee replacement



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Wednesday, April 01, 2020

Tips to cope with COVID-19 Quarantine

From a psychologist:
After having thirty-one sessions this week with patients where the singular focus was COVID-19 and how to cope, I decided to consolidate my advice and make a list that I hope is helpful to all.  I can't control a lot of what is going on right now, but I can contribute this.  

Edit: I am surprised and heartened that this has been shared so widely!  People have asked me to credential myself, so to that end, I am a doctoral level Psychologist in NYS with a Psy.D. in the specialities of School and Clinical Psychology.  

MENTAL HEALTH WELLNESS TIPS FOR QUARANTINE

1. Stick to a routine.  Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.

2. Dress for the social life you want, not the social life you have.  Get showered and dressed in comfortable clothes, wash your face, brush your teeth.  Take the time to do a bath or a facial.  Put on some bright colors.  It is amazing how our dress can impact our mood.

3. Get out at least once a day, for at least thirty minutes.  If you are concerned of contact, try first thing in the morning, or later in the evening, and try less traveled streets and avenues.  If you are high risk or living with those who are high risk, open the windows and blast the fan.  It is amazing how much fresh air can do for spirits.

4. Find some time to move each day, again daily for at least thirty minutes.  If you don’t feel comfortable going outside, there are many YouTube videos that offer free movement classes, and if all else fails, turn on the music and have a dance party!

5. Reach out to others, you guessed it, at least once daily for thirty minutes.  Try to do FaceTime, Skype, phone calls, texting—connect with other people to seek and provide support.  Don’t forget to do this for your children as well.  Set up virtual playdates with friends daily via FaceTime, Facebook Messenger Kids, Zoom, etc—your kids miss their friends, too!

6. Stay hydrated and eat well.   This one may seem obvious, but stress and eating often don’t mix well, and we find ourselves over-indulging, forgetting to eat, and avoiding food.  Drink plenty of water, eat some good and nutritious foods, and challenge yourself to learn how to cook something new!

7. Develop a self-care toolkit.  This can look different for everyone.  A lot of successful self-care strategies involve a sensory component (seven senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell, vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (comforting pressure).  An idea for each: a soft blanket or stuffed animal, a hot chocolate, photos of vacations, comforting music, lavender or eucalyptus oil, a small swing or rocking chair, a weighted blanket.  A journal, an inspirational book, or a mandala coloring book is wonderful, bubbles to blow or blowing watercolor on paper through a straw are visually appealing as well as work on controlled breath.  Mint gum, Listerine strips, ginger ale, frozen Starburst, ice packs, and cold are also good for anxiety regulation. For children, it is great to help them create a self-regulation comfort box (often a shoe-box or bin they can decorate) that they can use on the ready for first-aid when overwhelmed.  

8. Spend extra time playing with children.  Children will rarely communicate how they are feeling, but will often make a bid for attention and communication through play.  Don’t be surprised to see therapeutic themes of illness, doctor visits, and isolation play through.  Understand that play is cathartic and helpful for children—it is how they process their world and problem solve, and there’s a lot they are seeing and experiencing in the now.

9. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and a wide berth.  A lot of cooped up time can bring out the worst in everyone.  Each person will have moments when they will not be at their best.  It is important to move with grace through blowups, to not show up to every argument you are invited to, and to not hold grudges and continue disagreements.  Everyone is doing the best they can to make it through this.

10. Everyone find their own retreat space.  Space is at a premium, particularly with city living.  It is important that people think through their own separate space for work and for relaxation.  For children, help them identify a place where they can go to retreat when stressed.  You can make this place cozy by using blankets, pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents, and “forts”.  It is good to know that even when we are on top of each other, we have our own special place to go to be alone.

11. Expect behavioral issues in children, and respond gently.   We are all struggling with disruption in routine, none more than children, who rely on routines constructed by others to make them feel safe and to know what comes next.  Expect increased anxiety, worries and fears, nightmares, difficulty separating or sleeping, testing limits, and meltdowns.  Do not introduce major behavioral plans or consequences at this time—hold stable and focus on emotional connection.

12. Focus on safety and attachment.  We are going to be living for a bit with the unprecedented demand of meeting all work deadlines, homeschooling children, running a sterile household, and making a whole lot of entertainment in confinement.  We can get wrapped up in meeting expectations in all domains, but we must remember that these are scary and unpredictable times for children.  Focus on strengthening the connection through time spent following their lead, through physical touch, through play, through therapeutic books, and via verbal reassurances that you will be there for them in this time.

13. Lower expectations and practice radical self-acceptance.  This idea is connected with #12.  We are doing too many things in this moment, under fear and stress.  This does not make a formula for excellence.  Instead, give yourself what psychologists call “radical self acceptance”: accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback.  You cannot fail at this—there is no roadmap, no precedent for this, and we are all truly doing the best we can in an impossible situation.  

14. Limit social media and COVID conversation, especially around children.  One can find tons of information on COVID-19 to consume, and it changes minute to minute.  The information is often sensationalized, negatively skewed, and alarmist.  Find a few trusted sources that you can check in with consistently, limit it to a few times a day, and set a time limit for yourself on how much you consume (again 30 minutes tops, 2-3 times daily).  Keep news and alarming conversations out of earshot from children—they see and hear everything, and can become very frightened by what they hear.

15. Notice the good in the world, the helpers.  There is a lot of scary, negative, and overwhelming information to take in regarding this pandemic.  There are also a ton of stories of people sacrificing, donating, and supporting one another in miraculous ways.  It is important to counter-balance the heavy information with the hopeful information.  

16. Help others.  Find ways, big and small, to give back to others.  Support restaurants, offer to grocery shop, check in with elderly neighbors, write psychological wellness tips for others—helping others gives us a sense of agency when things seem out of control.  

17. Find something you can control, and control the heck out of it.  In moments of big uncertainty and overwhelm, control your little corner of the world.  Organize your bookshelf, purge your closet, put together that furniture, group your toys.  It helps to anchor and ground us when the bigger things are chaotic.

18. Find a long-term project to dive into.  Now is the time to learn how to play the keyboard, put together a huge jigsaw puzzle, start a 15 hour game of Risk, paint a picture, read the Harry Potter series, binge watch an 8-season show, crochet a blanket, solve a Rubic cube, or develop a new town in Animal Crossing.  Find something that will keep you busy, distracted, and engaged to take breaks from what is going on in the outside world.

19. Engage in repetitive movements and left-right movements.  Research has shown that repetitive movement (knitting, coloring, painting, clay sculpting, jump roping etc) especially left-right movement (running, drumming, skating, hopping) can be effective at self-soothing and maintaining self-regulation in moments of distress.

20. Find an expressive art and go for it.  Our emotional brain is very receptive to the creative arts, and it is a direct portal for release of feeling.  Find something that is creative (sculpting, drawing, dancing, music, singing, playing) and give it your all.  See how relieved you can feel.  It is a very effective way of helping kids to emote and communicate as well!

21. Find lightness and humor in each day.  There is a lot to be worried about, and with good reason.  Counterbalance this heaviness with something funny each day: cat videos on YouTube, a stand-up show on Netflix, a funny movie—we all need a little comedic relief in our day, every day.

22. Reach out for help—your team is there for you.  If you have a therapist or psychiatrist, they are available to you, even at a distance.  Keep up your medications and your therapy sessions the best you can.  If you are having difficulty coping, seek out help for the first time.  There are mental health people on the ready to help you through this crisis.  Your children’s teachers and related service providers will do anything within their power to help, especially for those parents tasked with the difficult task of being a whole treatment team to their child with special challenges.  Seek support groups of fellow home-schoolers, parents, and neighbors to feel connected.  There is help and support out there, any time of the day—although we are physically distant, we can always connect virtually.

23. “Chunk” your quarantine, take it moment by moment.  We have no road map for this.  We don’t know what this will look like in 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month from now.  Often, when I work with patients who have anxiety around overwhelming issues, I suggest that they engage in a strategy called “chunking”—focusing on whatever bite-sized piece of a challenge that feels manageable.  Whether that be 5 minutes, a day, or a week at a time—find what feels doable for you, and set a time stamp for how far ahead in the future you will let yourself worry.  Take each chunk one at a time, and move through stress in pieces.

24. Remind yourself daily that this is temporary.  It seems in the midst of this quarantine that it will never end.  It is terrifying to think of the road stretching ahead of us.  Please take time to remind yourself that although this is very scary and difficult, and will go on for an undetermined amount of time, it is a season of life and it will pass.  We will return to feeling free, safe, busy, and connected in the days ahead.

25. Find the lesson.  This whole crisis can seem sad, senseless, and at times, avoidable.  When psychologists work with trauma, a key feature to helping someone work through said trauma is to help them find their agency, the potential positive outcomes they can effect, the meaning and construction that can come out of destruction.  What can each of us learn here, in big and small ways, from this crisis?  What needs to change in ourselves, our homes, our communities, our nation, and our world?
 
This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.     

https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com. one can see my crochet creations  
https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com. feel free to view for easy, simple and healthy recipes    
https://kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com. for info on knee replacement

 

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Sunday, February 09, 2020

Feeling Anxious? Here's a Quick Tool To Center Your Soul

Have you ever noticed how tough it is to be present? We spend so much time planning and worrying about the future or dwelling on the past.

"We're in a trance of thinking. We're time traveling," says Tara Brach, a world-renowned psychologist and mindfulness teacher. "We're in the future, we're in the past."

And all this ruminating gets in the way of enjoying life — we can miss out on the good stuff.

If you reflect on your life, Brach asks, how often can you sense that the fear of failing or not being good enough "was in some way dampening or contracting or pulling you away from real intimacy or spontaneity or enjoying a sunset?"

Life Kit host Allison Aubrey spoke with Brach about her latest book, Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN. The book outlines the mindfulness tool, RAIN, an acronym for a four-step process: recognize, allow, investigate and nurture.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What is mindfulness at its core. Can you describe mindfulness in a sentence or two?

Mindfulness is paying attention to what's happening in the present moment without judgment.
What is the purpose? What is the benefit of paying attention to the present moment?

We step out of our thoughts about the past and the future, and we actually start occupying a space of presence that is bigger than the particular emotions or thoughts that are going on.

Mindfulness gives us more choice as to how we want to experience things, what we want to say, what we want to do. So instead of reacting, we can actually respond from more intelligence, more kindness. It actually lets us inhabit our best selves.


The "R" and the "A" in RAIN stand for Recognize and Allow — can you explain that?

So "recognize" comes when we realize on some level we're stuck. We're having a hard time. All we're doing with "recognize" is sensing whatever feeling is predominant in that moment. And it might be we simply say 'upset' or 'confused' or 'angry' or 'hurt'.

With "allow" you actually are pausing, saying 'it's OK.' Let's just let this be for a few moments. And that's the pause. That's the space we're creating that gives you the power and the freedom.

So the next step is "I" for investigate. What are some questions that you can ask to help yourself investigate?

Ask yourself 'what really wants my attention?' Ask what wants your attention right now and look into the body. Feel the throat, the chest, the belly. Another really good question is 'what am I believing right now?' Because I find for myself when I'm in a bad mood, usually I'm believing that in some way I fell short. I'm failing in some way.

And if I can identify it consciously, it doesn't affect me as much. The single most valuable finale with investigating is to ask the part of you that feels most vulnerable: 'so what do you need?' Is it love? Acceptance? Forgiveness? Feeling accompanied? Feeling embraced? Feeling safe?
The last letter in RAIN is "N," which stands for nurture. Explain this one.

This step is all about learning to be kind to yourself and offering yourself what is needed. Often, to fight through the feelings of shame or anxiety, we have to work at this. The way I often do it is I put my hand on my heart and I'll say, "it's okay sweetheart." Or you might just say to yourself, "I love you," or, "It's okay, I'm here. I'm not leaving."

Or, we can imagine that affirmation coming from someone else — a loved one, a spiritual figure, even a pet. The source doesn't matter as long as it's nurturing.

After RAIN, we can sense a shift in how we feel. We sense the quality of presence that's opened up from where we started to now.

For those of us not in the habit of nurturing ourselves, this can be a challenging step in the process. For instance, if I over-react to a situation, I later laugh at my lack of perspective. I realize that it wasn't a big deal, and I feel so much lighter when I'm able to laugh it off. Is this a form of nurturing?

Nurturing is any way that you create a larger, lighter, kinder space. And humor is fantastic. Often if I can laugh, I know the tangle is no longer dominating me.

And that's the thing with RAIN, it doesn't get rid of the waves of experience. It makes you more ocean-like. You have more perspective, more wisdom. Wisdom brings on humor. Wisdom brings on kindness. In other words, you're not suffering. What you're feeling is not pleasant, but you're not suffering.


So many of us are taught from a young age to be ambitious and aim high. How can we practice mindfulness and still achieve our goals?

What's interesting is that people have a fear that if they're mindful and present, they'll lose their motivation, that they won't be able to be so successful in the ways you're describing. But what I found is that anxiety actually leads to more mistakes, less empathy, less emotional intelligence and actually less effectiveness.

Where do you see this?

We train people in corporations and medical schools and they actually find mindfulness increases competency. Mindfulness doesn't remove motivation. It just allows us to be more centered and respond from our natural intelligence. Fear doesn't make us more intelligent.

Does mindfulness become easier the more you practice it?

Whatever you practice gets stronger. If you practice judging yourself every day, that gets stronger. If you practice recognizing, allowing, investigating, nurturing, that gets stronger and also quicker.

The real gift is that we start trusting our goodness. We start trusting the love and the awareness. Not only that, we start looking at each other and seeing that too. If we can trust the goodness, then we can help to bring it out in ourselves and each other.


This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.     
https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com. one can see my crochet creations  
https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com. feel free to view for easy, simple and healthy recipes    
https://kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com. for info on knee replacement
 


source-npr.org

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Thursday, September 19, 2013

COLONOSCOPY PUT TO MUSIC ! ENJOY THE MUSIC

Have the speakers on and enjoy the humour and music!!!





Colonoscopy  Put to music


ps- this is only for information, always consult you physician before having any particular food/ medication/exercise/other remedies.

ps- those interested in recipes are free to view my blog-

http://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com/


for info about knee replacement, you can view my blog-


http://Knee replacement-stick club.blogspot.com/


for crochet designs


http://My Crochet Creations.blogspot.com

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