The Biggest Wastes Of Time We Regret When We Get Older

We spend a lot of energy looking for shortcuts to save time, and sure, those shortcuts add up. But when I look back, my biggest time regrets aren't spending too much time on Twitter or mismanaging my daily tasks. Those are bad habits, but there are bigger, more systematic time wasters that have really gotten in the way. Fixing these will free up a massive amount of time and energy.

Not Asking for Help

My first week on my first job out of university, my boss handed me a huge spreadsheet. He told me to organise it in a way that made zero sense to me. Being a quiet, timid person, I simply nodded, walked back to my desk and stared at that spreadsheet for like an hour, hoping to make some sense of it (yep, just like George Costanza and the Penske file).

Finally, my coworker came in, and I confessed I had no idea what to do. He broke it down for me, then dropped some advice that's stuck with me ever since: "You might feel dumb asking questions, but you look dumber when you don't get it because you failed to ask."

It was harsh, but true. And not only did I look like an arse, I could've also saved a fair amount of time that day by simply asking my boss what he meant. It made me wonder how much time I'd wasted by not asking for help over the years. As dumb as you might feel asking questions, it's the fastest way to get an answer.

Similarly, asking for help is a great way to, well, get help. This is why networking and finding a mentor are hugely valuable. If you feel stuck in your career or need to learn new skills and have no idea how to get started, talking to other people in your field will go a long way. Even if it's just shooting someone a short email, asking for help is like a shortcut for your career. Try Leo Widrich's formula for asking for help via email:

2-3 sentences of honest appreciation. There is a reason you are asking someone for help. They have a lot of experience in that field, worked on a startup/idea related to what you are working on or else. If you do this, it shows them you have thought about why picking them out to ask for help.

1 sentence that states a single, focused question people can give you an answer to. Here is one that worked very well when I asked Noah:

"What was the single, most valuable user acquisition strategy for Mint after you hit 100K users?"

Here's another way to look at it: if you're not asking for help, you're probably not challenging yourself enough. If you have all the answers, you're not learning new skills, trying new things or moving forward and out of your comfort zone. There are a handful of reasons we don't ask for help, but it's usually because we're too proud or scared, and that's a huge waste of time, because it keeps you from moving forward.

Trying to Make Bad Relationships Work

Relationships require maintenance, but there's a difference between maintaining a good relationship and trying to force a bad one that doesn't make much sense to begin with.

There's a lot of emotion in romance and friendships, so sometimes it's hard to tell when you should keep trying or you should just call it quits. Like a lot of people, I made some common bad decisions that wasted both my time and the time of the person I was with. For example:

There are good reasons for wanting to make a relationship work, but those aren't good ones. They cloud your judgment, prolong your unhappiness and distract you from things that matter to you most. At the same time, it's hard to say all bad relationships are a total waste of time, because you learn a lot about yourself from them. That's a valid silver lining, but still, the sooner you learn those lessons, the better.

Similarly, not dealing with the emotional impact of a breakup is also a big waste of time. When a relationship ends, we usually go through the typical stages of grief associated with loss. It's easy to get comfortable with denial and convince ourselves we don't really care and we're fine. In reality, ignoring the pain only prolongs it. Our work suffers; the rest of our relationships suffer.

Dwelling on Your Mistakes and Shortcomings

Learning from your mistakes is one thing. Dwelling on them wastes your time, diminishes your confidence, and keeps you from getting on with your life.

Dwelling also makes you more apt to repeat your mistakes. In a study, researchers asked subjects to spend money during an imaginary trip to the mall. Before "shopping", some subjects were asked to recall a past financial mistake. They found those subjects were more likely to incur debt. A press release for the study concluded:

Perhaps the most surprising, Haws said, is that searching through the past can negatively affect behaviour, depending on the ease of recall, even when past examples are positive...Instead of dwelling on the past, Haws said, her research into behaviour suggests that setting goals for the future can positively change present behaviour...In short, if we want to have better self-control, "Look forward," Haws says. "Don't look back."

When you think about your own experiences, it probably makes sense. Dwelling makes you feel like a failure. When I feel like a failure, it's easy to tell myself there's no point in trying, because I already suck. (Hence, getting further into debt when you already feel like an overspender.)

Of course, you don't want to skip over your mistakes and ignore them either. The goal is to glean something from them, then release the failure. I like Emilie Wapnick's process for doing this:

In order to let the past go, you must forgive yourself officially.

Feel the embarrassment or shame one final time. Really feel it throughout your body. Next, tell yourself that everyone makes mistakes and you know you that that outcome was not your intention. It was an accident. Finally, make the decision to forgive yourself and do it. It helps to even say it out loud.

From now on, it's OK. You are forgiven.

Every time the thought comes back, simply remind yourself that you have already been forgiven, so there's no reason to feel bad anymore. Then push the thought away.

One of my other big time regrets is not allowing myself to fail out of fear of my own shortcomings.

For years, I stayed in a comfortable place and didn't try to do things I wanted to do. I wanted to travel after high school, but I went to university close to home instead, because I was too shy to meet new people, and I was afraid I couldn't make it in another city. After university, I wanted to be a freelance writer, but I decided to find a more stable, accessible job instead, because that was easier. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live a stable, comfortable life, but I was doing it for the wrong reasons: because I was afraid to fail.

Eventually, I got tired of this. I decided to find work I actually enjoyed, travel more and live somewhere else. I made a ton of mistakes along the way, and even when I did succeed, I felt like an imposter. Still, I think the bigger mistake was not trying sooner. Even if I failed, I would have learned from my mistakes much sooner.

Worrying Too Much About Other People

It's easy to waste time worrying about other people, too. Don't get me wrong — your friends and loved ones mean a lot to you, and you want to spend time nurturing them. But we also spend a lot of time fretting over problems that don't matter in the long run.

For example, I spent years getting annoyed with people who undermine me. I complained about them, tried to understand them, wondered what was wrong with me that I inspired that kind of behaviour. Those habits always lead to a dead end, because they didn't involve action. The older I got, the less tolerant I became of this behaviour, and I learned to nip it in the bud.

I also indulged another time wasting emotion: jealousy. I compared myself to everyone, wanted what they had, and felt inadequate. Like most negative, destructive feelings, the first (and biggest) step to overcoming it is understanding it.

I paid attention to my jealousy and what triggered it, then learned that it was less about the other person and more about my own feelings of inadequacy. In short, I embraced that jealousy. Envy is a bit different, but it often comes from the same place, and here's what writer Trent Hamm suggests in dealing with your envy:

The question is, why do you want it in your life? I like to use the "five whys" when handling a question like this. Whenever I'm trying to answer a "why" question, I repeat it five times, asking it of the answer I come up with for each question. When you identify a particular strong desire that you have, step back for a moment and break it down into small pieces. Then, see if there isn't a way for you to address those smaller pieces in your own life. Again, let's take that international trip. What elements am I desiring when it comes to that trip? I want to expose my children to different cultures…. The thing is, when I start breaking that trip down into small pieces, I start seeing pieces that I can easily incorporate into my own life.

Once you understand why you feel jealous or envious, you can take action to take care of the problem, whether that means processing the emotions or coming up with goals for yourself. Either way, that's a lot more productive.

Most of us are probably guilty of all of these at some point, and really, they're human nature. Regret is another big waste of time, so there's no point in beating yourself up over these. The sooner you learn from them, though, the sooner you can free up your time and energy to live the life you want.

 

This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.   

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What Is Postpartum Depression? Recognizing The Signs And Getting Help

Shortly after she gave birth to her son last May, Meghan Reddick, 36, began to struggle with depression. "The second I had a chance where I wasn't holding [my son], I would go to my room and cry," says Reddick, who lives with her son and husband. "And I probably couldn't count how many hours a day I cried."

Reddick is among the many women who suffer from depression during pregnancy and after childbirth.

There's this kind of myth that women couldn't possibly be depressed during pregnancy, [that] this is such a happy time," says Jennifer Payne, a psychiatrist and the director of the Women's Mood Disorders Center at Johns Hopkins University. "The reality is that a lot of women struggle with anxiety and depression during pregnancy as well as during the postpartum period."

An estimated one in seven women experiences depression during or after pregnancy. Among some groups, such as teenage moms and women with a history of trauma, the rate can be even higher.

Left untreated, depression during this time can have serious consequences on the health of the mother, the baby and the entire family.

"I always say if mom's not happy, no one's happy," Payne says.

So, it's important that women seek treatment, says Payne, because depression during and after pregnancy (called perinatal depression) is treatable, and women with the right treatment do recover.

We have compiled a list of five things you need to know about perinatal depression, its symptoms and treatment options. These tips are also for spouses, parents, siblings and close friends of pregnant women and new mothers, because you can help your loved one find treatment. 

1. Depression and anxiety are complications of pregnancy and childbirthMore than 300 women wrote to NPR about their experiences with perinatal depression — many said that they blamed themselves for what they were going through. But mental health problems aren't the mother's fault, or failure, Payne stresses. They are complications of pregnancy and childbirth, like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes.

"Postpartum depression is actually the most common complication of childbirth," Payne says. Anxiety sometimes goes hand in hand with the depression, and for many women, the symptoms kick in during pregnancy.

Researchers don't fully understand what causes these symptoms, Payne says, but like all mental illnesses, biological factors and life circumstances are at work.

Hormones likely play a big role in this case. Levels of certain hormones — mainly progesterone and estrogen — increase over the course of a pregnancy. Once the baby is born, the levels of progesterone and estrogen fall dramatically. That drop in hormone levels is likely responsible for the mental health symptoms many women experience during this time.

Women who have previously struggled with anxiety and depression are at a greater risk of developing depression or anxiety during this time period, Payne says. Other risk factors include poverty, marital stress, birth trauma and a history of abuse.

Big life transitions — like pregnancy and childbirth — are also major triggers for symptoms, because they add a lot of stress to people's lives.

2. Know the symptoms to look for

The postpartum period is an emotional roller coaster for most women. An estimated 80% of new moms experience the "baby blues," says Payne, which is different from perinatal depression and anxiety. "Baby blues is really a natural phenomenon that occurs in the immediate postpartum period."

So how do you know whether you're experiencing baby blues or depression? Here are the key symptoms of depression:

    Symptoms last every day for two weeks or more: Baby blues usually go away after a couple of weeks, but if you're depressed or have an anxiety disorder, you'll experience the symptoms every day for more than two weeks.

    Sadness, crying, trouble concentrating: A persistent low mood is a classic symptom. "Many women, when they're depressed, have low mood, can't get out of bed, have trouble concentrating, trouble eating properly, don't sleep well," Payne says.

    Struggling with everyday activities: If you're struggling with simple everyday tasks and feeling disconnected from your baby, it's a sign you need help. "What I tend to look for are women who are barely getting themselves together and taking care of the baby," Payne says.

Many women who wrote to us said they felt detached from their baby. "I was afraid I would never love him," says Reddick, "and thought that this bond between a mother and child, that love that's so infallible, I was afraid I would never feel that because I didn't feel it in the beginning."

    Anger can be a symptom: "Many women will get angry that the baby's waking them up again or will not settle down," Payne says. "And ... it's a vicious cycle, because then the woman feels guilty, thinks she's a bad mother. And it just goes and goes in circles." Women who are depressed can also feel angry at their spouse, she adds.

    Severe anxiety: "Anxiety disorders are common in pregnancy as well," Payne says. "Those can look like generalized anxiety or having panic attacks. Many women will also develop OCD [obsessive compulsive disorder] ... and those symptoms are usually focused on kind of the health and safety of the pregnancy and the baby." So the anxiety and OCD symptoms often appear as heightened parenting worries.

"The thoughts for me were like, 'Is my daughter's room too warm? Is she going to stop breathing?' " says Angelina Spicer, a comedian who also reached out to us with her story.
Family members and friends can be on the lookout for the above and following signs, Payne says. "When people are depressed, they look different," she says. "Their eyes look different. They look sad and detached. If they smile, it doesn't go up to their eyes. Many people will become kind of slower in their thinking and their speaking process."

If you see any of these signs in yourself or someone you love, it's important to seek help.
3. Ask for help
Recent medical guidelines, including from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, recommend that physicians proactively screen pregnant women and new mothers for depression and help women at risk get treatment.

While not all physicians are doing this, there's growing awareness — especially among obstetricians and pediatricians — about the need to address perinatal depression.

So Payne suggests that women with perinatal depression reach out to their doctors.

OB-GYNS, pediatricians and even primary care physicians can screen for depression and help women get treatment.

Payne suggests being direct about your symptoms.

"I think talking straight is probably the No. 1 tip I have," Payne says. Tell them, "I'm feeling depressed. I'm really struggling. I can't sleep when the baby is sleeping. I'm not getting enough to eat."

Your doctor can refer you for talk therapy, which medical guidelines suggest should be the main course of treatment. The physician can also prescribe an antidepressant if needed. (Antidepressants are considered to be effective and safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding.) Payne notes that antidepressants in combination with talk therapy have been shown to be more effective than medication alone.

One of the hurdles that many women face in seeking treatment is convincing their families that they have an illness and that they need help.

This can be more common in communities of color, says Leena Mittal, a psychiatrist with Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. "I hear that over and over again," she says. "I hear that it can be really difficult to engage in conversations about mental health or that 'we don't believe in that kind of thing in my family or in my part of the neighborhood' or that 'we don't talk about those things.' "

Spicer, who is African American, struggled with this after she had her daughter.

"I would tell my family members that I was feeling disconnected, I was feeling scared and anxious — they all dismissed it," Spicer says. "They were like, 'Oh, it'll be fine.' ... Or, 'Why do you keep saying you're depressed? Why do you keep saying you're sad? You have this beautiful family.' "

If you run into a similar situation, Mittal suggests starting a family conversation around a goal you share with your family. "The goal is to have a well mom, a well baby, to have the mom be able to be engaged with the baby and in the care of the baby."

Help family members understand why your mental health is keeping you from taking good care of your baby, she says. She also encourages women to help family members understand that depression is a medical problem and to consider taking a family member with you to your doctor's appointment.

"That way, some of the myths can be dispelled too," she says. And the doctor can help your family understand the consequences of untreated mental illness in the mom.

Ideally, Mittal says, the health care system should be engaging women of color about these mental health issues, because research shows that women of color have more limited access to care for postpartum depression.

She and some other providers and patient advocates are working on that. But in the meantime, she suggests talking to your obstetrician about depression during prenatal appointments and asking about your risk factors, services available for you and how you can be proactive about prevention. 

4. An alternative place to look for help
We heard from women who said that they went to their doctor — some even got the depression screening — but their doctor did not help them find treatment.

If you run into a dead end at your doctor's office, what do you do?

You can turn to an organization called Postpartum Support International, a nonprofit that helps women and their families find support for postpartum depression, says Ann Smith, the director of the board of the organization. "We will talk to them and give them support."

The organization also connects people with treatment. Its local coordinators keep a list of providers experienced in treating perinatal depression and anxiety, and they can also connect you to local support groups for new moms, which have also been shown to be important for recovery.

So if you or someone you know is struggling with perinatal depression or anxiety and your doctor isn't able to help you, try calling Postpartum Support International's help line at 1-800-944-4773, or you can text the organization at 503-894-9453 and a trained volunteer will get back to you within 24 hours, Smith says.

The volunteers will also stay in touch with a family until they are sure the mother is in treatment, she says. "Without it, people fall through the cracks all the time."

5. Build self-care into your routine
In the meantime, there are some things you can do on your own that should help improve your symptoms, Payne says. (And these steps can also help all new moms feel better during the exhausting, sleep-deprived first year of your child's life.)

Self-care is key. Now, before you roll your eyes at the term, let us explain. We aren't talking about fancy pedicures or getaways. When we say self-care, we mean the absolute basics: diet, hydration, exercise, sleep and social support.

They might sound simplistic, but Payne says they have been shown to improve mental health symptoms by improving your overall health, so you can cope better with the stress of taking care of a newborn.

    Make sure you're eating regularly and hydrating: "I've had a number of women who weren't eating because they were breastfeeding all the time or changing the baby," says Payne, who also treats women with postpartum depression at her clinic. "And so I had their spouses set up eating stations for them so that when they're breastfeeding, they can eat a granola bar, for example, and have water available.

Take a break every day: "I think getting a break from the baby regularly is key for women with depression and women without depression," Payne says. "And so arranging family support for that or social support for that is really important." Get your spouse or a relative to keep an eye on the baby, or if you can afford it, hire a babysitter.

Prioritize sleep: Research shows that chronic sleep deprivation increases one's risk of all kinds of mental health symptoms. So, catch up on sleep, and sleep when the baby is sleeping, Payne says. "When baby's taking a nap, that's not the time to do the laundry," she says. "That's the time to sleep." Also consider sleeping in a different room than the baby, she adds, so you aren't waking up every time you hear the baby move or cry.

Exercise: Studies show that exercise improves mental health symptoms. So, build simple exercises into your daily routine. This doesn't require a new gym membership or a yoga class. Just go for walks with your baby in your neighborhood.

Find community: Social support is known to help in recovering from mental illness and improve one's sense of well-being. And it is particularly important for mothers struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. "I cannot tell you how many mothers I've seen that think they're the only person who's gone through this," Payne says. "And it's just so not the case. So meeting other moms going through something similar can be really rallying for four people who are down on themselves."

If you're struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety, remember you're not alone, that help is available and you can recover. The path to recovery might be slightly different for every woman.

What worked for Spicer was "child care, Spanx and Zoloft."

"Child care was a huge relief for me because I had time to myself every day. Zoloft ... it lifted the fog," she says. "And the Spanx, I mean, come on! You know, your uterus after you have a baby just will not let you be great." 

This is only for your information, kindly take the advice of your doctor for medicines, exercises and so on.     
https://gscrochetdesigns.blogspot.com. one can see my crochet creations  
https://gseasyrecipes.blogspot.com. feel free to view for easy, simple and healthy recipes    
https://kneereplacement-stickclub.blogspot.com. for info on knee replacement