Lessons I Learned By Dealing With Negativity
We all experience negative thoughts at
times. Unfortunately, our social and environmental conditioning can lead
us to treat them as things to be fought against, avoided, or a sign of
our weakness. As a result, the negative thoughts are often coupled with
anger towards ourselves. These negative thoughts can keep us "stuck in
our own heads", and hinder us from moving forward with our lives in a
positive manner. With that being said, there's much to learn from these
so-called negative thoughts. They can teach us some very important
lessons, and it is our fear of negativity itself that keeps us from
learning these lessons. Next time your mind wanders into negative
thinking, don't try to suppress such thoughts. Instead, use them as a
ladder to haul yourself back up. Here are the seven most important
lessons you can learn from negative thoughts:
1. If you’re lost, negativity can be your
compass
Being angry at yourself in times of crisis can cause you to become lost
in a sea of thoughts, and even forget how you got to this state in the
first place, thus preventing you from avoiding it next time. Instead,
try using your negative thoughts as a compass - think of why you became
angry in the first place to try and find the source of your frustration,
and remind yourself where you want to be. You can guide your search
with questions such as:
When did I become angry with myself?
Has this sort of thing happened in the past?
Were my reactions to this situation different last time?
If I acted differently, was I more or less frustrated?
Another way of using negative thoughts as a
compass is by mapping out your fears or the obstacles in the way of you
feeling better. Try asking yourself:
Am I mad at myself because there’s something I could have done
differently?
If so, can I avoid this type of obstacle next time?
Are there other ways to approach this problem?
What can I do differently next time?
2. Falling into familiar holes doesn’t
become less painful
Imagine walking down the street and suddenly falling into a hole. The
first time it happens, you’ll be mad at the city for its negligence. The
second time, you’ll be mad because it still hasn't fixed the problem
despite the risk. The third time, you’ll be mad at yourself because you
didn't remember that there was a hole there. Why did you fall into that
hole time after time? Most likely it's because you weren’t looking where
you were heading and were too busy blaming others, thus avoiding your
own responsibility.
The best way to deal with such “holes” in your life is in stages - by
covering the hole if you can, finding a way around the hole while it’s
still there, or looking forward to avoid falling into that hole (or
others) in the future. Instead of blaming others for your predicament,
take responsibility for what you can do differently, and do it.
3. Your best friend is you
Negativity turns you into your own judge, jury, and executioner. As
proof, we still remember certain mistakes we made in the past that
others have already forgotten. However, we tend to ignore the most
important lesson that each negative thought carries with it - just as we
are our own harshest judges, we are also our own best friends.
Instead of running in circles, finding yourself guilty time and time
again, try looking at the problem impartially, as if a friend is telling
you about their problem and asking you for your opinion. What your
advice be? Is it really a problem that cannot be overcome? When you look
at an issue from the sideline, you can often find a solution more
easily. If you keep practicing this lesson, you’ll find it easier to
connect with yourself and stop judging yourself so harshly.
4. No one knows everything
Many of our negative thoughts originate from the false assumption that
they are indisputable facts. We can be sure that there is only one
reason for our failings, or that people act a certain way because of one
specific reason. These assumptions can be completely wrong, making them
into the feet we use to trip ourselves over when dealing with future
problems.
If we think that a colleague has no time for us because they don’t like
us, we won’t be able to communicate with them positively in the future,
even if their reason was that they were busy, or weren’t feeling well
when we approached them. Such an incident can lead us to analyze our
relationship with others incorrectly, as well as causing us to make the
same mistakes time and time again in the future. In quite the same way,
being rejected when applying for a job can make us think we’re not
talented enough when that position may have been made redundant for a
variety of reasons.
Try reminding yourself that in any negative situation, some things that
you’re not aware of and are beyond your control may have taken place.
Remember that nobody is omniscient, and that’s perfectly fine.
5. If you think you’re drowning in
negativity, you’re probably wrong
Do you think that everything bad that happens to you is the result of
personal malice, and that bad things keep happening to you all the time?
It may be time to stop for a moment and remind yourself that the worst
thing that is happening is what you’re doing to yourself. Every negative
thought provides us with two options - to fall into despair, or to
learn and grow. Sadly, most of us choose the first option.
In order to help yourself see the situation from a broader perspective,
assign every negative thought a couple of new friends - factual proof,
and a different interpretation. Factual proof forms the basis of
assessing your situation (for example, if a friend is mad at you, what
are we basing our understanding of that anger on?), at the same time,
even if you’re sure that your interpretation is correct, train yourself
to come up with an alternative, logical interpretation of the situation.
It might just be the right interpretation after all.
6. Some positive thoughts are disguised as
negative ones
Not all thoughts that begin in a negative tone are necessarily negative
themselves. It may surprise you, but if you think about it, you’ll find
out that it is indeed the case. You may be imagining the worst possible
scenario about something that may happen to someone you hold dear, but
this thought is actually a positive thought, originating from a place of
love and care for that person.
Try and express as many negative thoughts in a positive way and you may
find out that people who originally reacted to these thoughts in a
negative way now react to them differently after they understand the
source of your fears or anger.
what negativity teaches us.
7. To move forward, stop collecting trash
After you’ve sifted through your negative thoughts and learned as much
as you can from them, you can divide them into negative thoughts that
can help you, and those that are nothing but “trash”. In other words,
don’t let the trashy thoughts take up space in your head – they’ll only
slow you down and make you feel unhappy.
No one likes to live in a house that is filled with trash, and the same
goes for you and your mental space. Instead of punishing yourself by
preoccupying yourself with these unnecessary thoughts, which exact a
heavy toll on your mental state, try disposing of them as soon as you
can. If a negative thought pops up, treat it as a memo to clear your
mind up and make room for positivity instead.