Remember This 6-Letter Phrase to Mend Passive Aggression
Passive aggression is an indirect way to
express anger or frustration. Ignorance, sarcastic remarks, pouting and
saying that they’re okay when they’re not are all examples of
passive-aggressive behavior. You have probably noticed this kind of
behavior in others or even in yourself. A person may refuse to
communicate with you or explain the nature of some problem.
Still not sure how to spot passive
aggression? This article explains it all - The Tell-Tale Signs of
Passive-Aggressive Communication.
How to deal with passive aggression
At first glance, passive aggression doesn’t
seem like a big deal. But people who have to deal with
passive-aggressive behavior know just how much stress and confusion it
can cause. The most disturbing part is that a person who uses passive
aggression in arguments tends to do so repeatedly, even if it hurts
everyone involved.
At first glance, passive aggression doesn’t
seem like a big deal. But people who have to deal with
passive-aggressive behavior know just how much stress and confusion it
can cause. The most disturbing part is that a person who uses passive
aggression in arguments tends to do so repeatedly, even if it hurts
everyone involved. Justin Bariso, an author, speaker, and all-around expert in emotional
intelligence, mentions one simple 6-phrase that stops passive-aggression
in its tracks. That phrase is:
Attack the problem. Not the person.
This simple phrase is helpful for both
those who fall into passive aggression to protect themselves in an
argument and those who observe this type of behavior in a family member,
colleague, or friend.
The number one goal in conflict situations where passive aggression is
displayed is letting the person go out of their box and switch from
passive communication to active. "Active communication doesn't assume
someone can read our minds or 'just know' what we're upset about,"
states psychologist Nicole LePera.
If you notice passive-aggressive traits in yourself, Bariso recommends
expressing why you’re upset in a firm but compassionate way. Try using
one of the following phrases to switch to active communication:
I felt hurt by what you said.
That's not a joke. Please stop.
It’s very frustrating when you keep interrupting me.
When you observe passive-aggressive
behavior in others, you’ll need to confront the person. There’s no other
choice than open confrontation. Don't forget to "Attack the problem,
not the person."
Express how the person’s behavior makes you feel. Say that their
shutting off is confusing and that you don't know how to react unless
the person shares their frustrations with you. If you can approximate or
guess the source of the conflict, try to ask the person directly if
that’s what it is. Try and find the source of the conflict and resolve
it with kindness and openness, and you’re guaranteed to “turn passive
aggression into active peace,” as Bariso thoughtfully puts it.