How to Prevent Your Kids from Becoming Spoiled
Raising children is not an easy task,
because different things, small and large, can affect them and shape the
people they will become. It is only natural that as parents, we
sometimes make mistakes that eventually enable us to learn how to act in
the future, but unfortunately, some of these mistakes can have
far-reaching effects and make our children spoiled, both as toddlers and
as adults. In order not to fall into the parental traps that make our
children spoiled, it’s important to identify problematic behavior in
children and cut it out at the root.
These are the 8 things that make children spoiled that you have to stop doing now to prevent them from becoming spoiled adults!
1. You explain things to your children too much
When you give your children reasons and
explanations for what you ask of them, they mimic this behavior and do
exactly as you do. Sentences like "If you don’t clean up your room you
won’t find anything in the mess," make children think they a reason is
needed for everything and they’ll come back at you in the same currency
with questions like "Why do I have to clean my room, it’s just going to
get messy again anyway? This mechanism of question-answer-reason will
cause each parent to become confused, flustered, eventually succumb to
the child's will, which as a result will make them think they need a
reason for everything they are asked to do. By winning the arguments and
getting what they want, the child will become spoiled.
What’s the solution?
In order to solve the problem of argumentation, you must be assertive
and make your child understand that there are certain things that need
to be done even if we don’t want to do them, like cleaning the room.
Give them clear instructions, without negotiating such as, "You have to
clean your room before you watch TV." To make it easier to stand up for
yourself, adopt general phrases that you can use in a variety of areas,
such as "In this family, everyone needs to clean their room" so that the
child understands that there are clear rules and you don’t have to give
a reason for everything.
2. You buy too many things for your
children
A clear sign for overly spoiled children is a demand for things they
“can’t live without.” This happens when children "pester" us about
something they want from a certain store, and we give in to them because
it is simpler than starting an argument. If your child starts throwing a
tantrum and you give in to it, they learn that all they have to do to
get what they want is to make a little fuss. Another factor of raising
spoiled kids is the fact that sometimes we buy things for our children
to make them happy, and when it becomes a habit they don’t appreciate it
as much as they did in the past. It also robs them of the joy of
waiting for something that will take them time to receive and the joy
they feel when getting a unique gift.
What’s the solution?
If you are going to shop with your kids, prepare them in advance for the
purpose of the trip, saying for example: "We’re going to the toy store
to buy a gift for your cousin." If your children make a fuss, ignore
them and continue with your plan. It is important to make it clear to
them that they will receive gifts on special occasions and not whenever
they feel like a new toy. So if, for example, they ask you to buy them a
specific toy, tell them, "We can add it to your birthday wish list." In
addition, try to provide your children with positive experiences that
are not related to physical objects, such as joint activities inside and
outside the home, so that they don’t depend on material things to make
them happy.
3. You give your children too much
attention
Sometimes, in trying to make our children feel special, we make them
feel like they’re the only person in the room and all the attention
should be directed at them. If your child tries to attract your
attention in any situation and you give into them, such as during a
conversation with another parent in the playground, for example, it may
be problematic and make them spoiled. It is important to make children
feel special and loved, but we can’t always be so readily attentive
towards them, doing so will eventually cause them to think that the
focus should always be on them. "It's never too early to tell your
child, 'You're very important, but we're all important,'" says Dr. Sal
Severe, a school psychologist.
What’s the solution?
In addition to explaining the importance of other people, it is
important that you don’t give your children too much individual
attention. Explain to them situations where they shouldn’t disturb you
such as, "When you see that I'm on the phone, do not interrupt me," and
when they can say what they’d like, "I'll talk to you as soon as I
finish the conversation." In the meantime, think about what you want to
do after I finish." Look for opportunities to show them that other
people are also important; "I’m sure what you have to say is very
interesting but now we want to hear about Grandma's trip."
4. You are helping your children too much 
"Mom, I'm thirsty! Bring me water!" This is a sentence that many parents
are familiar with, and although there are times when our children
actually do need help, you don’t have to rush to them every time they
ask for something. The reason they do this is that they've gotten used
to you helping them with every little thing, even at an age when they
can already do things on their own. Many times this happens to parents
unconsciously, so it's important to be alert to this behavior and learn
to let your children do things themselves once they are able to,
otherwise they can become lazy, unmotivated adults.
What’s the solution?
"The only way to deal with feelings of frustration is to experience
them," says Prof. Dan Kindlon, a psychologist at Harvard University, "so
stand by and let your child deal with the waiting." Tell them, "I'm
busy now, but I'll help you after I finish cleaning the kitchen.” When
you do this, emphasize to your child that he or she can do what they
want on their own with sentences like "I'm sure a big boy like you who
goes down the slide alone can also butter his own toast." When you do
this, your children will understand that there are things they can
handle on their own and thus they can become independent adults with the
ability to cope with challenges.
5. You let inconsiderate behavior slide
"They’re just kids" is a sentence spoken by many parents, but these
three words can have a negative and far-reaching effect that can make
them spoiled and inconsiderate. There is indeed a stage in infancy that
children are not yet aware of their environment, but when they learn to
speak and communicate, it is important to make them understand that
their words have an effect on others’ feelings. Don’t forgive them for
phrases such as "But I wanted a Barbie!" When they get clothing as a
birthday gift, for example.
What’s the solution?
It is not enough to say "that's rude," since it is important that you
make your child understand how other people feel. Teach them to put
themselves in the other’s shoes: "How do you think you would feel if you
spent all afternoon preparing a gift for your aunt only for her to say
'That's not what I wanted!'?". Make them clarify their position in a
dignified and pleasant way so that they learn to be thoughtful people.
For example, instead of saying "I didn’t want pasta for dinner!" They'll
say sentences like "Thank you for making pasta, but that's not my
favorite food anymore. Can we make chicken nuggets sometime?”
6. You don’t teach your children to share
"That’s mine!" Is a sentence spoken by quite a few children, and there
is a biological reason for this; If your children refuse to share toys
or hits others who try to take them, it's because of uncontrollable
impulses that make them express their feelings physically and not
verbally. This becomes a problem when they continue this behavior over
time and refuse to share their stuff on the playground, for example. If
you forgive your children for such behavior and don’t teach them to
share, they’ll just become more and more spoiled with time and refuse to
share their things even when they are older.
What’s the solution?
First, it is important to understand that the reluctance to share is
natural and will pass over time provided you teach your child how to do
it. If your child has one favorite toy and is afraid to share it when a
friend whose expected to come over, don’t force them to share that toy-
instead, help them put it away and take out other toys. When your child
refuses to share toys that are not their own, on the playground, for
example, intervene and tell them that others should also be allowed to
enjoy the toys and make sure they actually share. The child may be
slightly angry, but it will pass and they’ll learn to share and not feel
that everything belongs exclusively to them.
7. You entertain your children every time they demand it
Children enjoy playing different games and taking part in activities
that are appropriate for their age, and it is nice to do so with them,
but if you overdo it, you’ll become the main source of entertainment for
them. It will make them spoiled and demand your time whenever they feel
a bit bored.
What’s the solution?
It is important that you instill in your children the fact that they can
be alone and entertain themselves even if you aren’t around them. Tell
them that they are playing nicely on their own and make it clear to them
that you can’t always play with them and that they can manage by
themselves. Set aside a regular time to engage in activities with your
children, and at the same time allow them to entertain themselves so
that they learn to do it alone without the need for a parent around.
8. You try to make your children happy at all times
Life is not a bed of roses as we are well aware of as adults, but most
of us want our children to be happy all the time. It is an unpleasant
fact of life, but it is important that you understand that your children
can’t be happy every second of the day, and if you try to protect them
from this truth they will become spoiled and think they deserve to be
happy at all times.
What’s the solution?
Making your children understand that life is difficult is one of the
greatest challenges but at the same time one of the most important in
their development. In order for our children to integrate into society
and cope successfully with life as adults, it is important to let them
experience the difficulties that life poses. If, for example, there is a
child in the kindergarten who has hurt your child's feelings, let them
process these feelings and be a sympathetic ear instead of separating
them from the offending child. Explain to them in a way that they can
understand that there are negative things that happen to us and must be
dealt with. For example, tell them that just as a bruised knee from a
fall eventually heals, so will their feelings. Emphasize that
difficulties are something that needs to be dealt with and not avoided
because doing so is impossible.
Parenting brings with it new challenges every day, but it is important
to be consistent and not let important matters slide, for you and your
children. Following these rules and tips will guarantee your children
grow up to be well-rounded, and certainly not spoiled, adults!