What Emotional Dysregulation Is and How to Cope With It
We all have days when we feel overwhelmed
by our emotions. We might feel giddy, laugh easily, or be quick to get
offended, irritated, or cry more easily than usual. Having this kind of
day from time to time is normal. However, a consistent lack of control
of your emotional responses could point to emotional dysregulation.
Emotional dysregulation is exactly what it
sounds like: having a hard time regulating your emotions. What sets
emotional dysregulation apart from just being an emotional person? The
difference lies in how well you identify and manage your feelings. For
example, when a person with emotional dysregulation feels anxious, they
might spiral into uncontrollable fearful thoughts. When they get sad, it
takes over every aspect of their life for a long time.
Of course, not everyone with strong
emotional reactions necessarily suffers from this condition. This
article will explain the symptoms that define emotional dysregulation
and point to possible ways of coping with it.
What is emotional dysregulation?
Emotional dysregulation is exactly what it
sounds like: having a hard time regulating your emotions. What sets
emotional dysregulation apart from just being an emotional person? The
difference lies in how well you identify and manage your feelings. For
example, when a person with emotional dysregulation feels anxious, they
might spiral into uncontrollable fearful thoughts. When they get sad, it
takes over every aspect of their life for a long time. In other words, emotional dysregulation is an inability to cope with
emotions and make yourself feel better. Moreover, it can lead to harmful
or destructive choices and actions. For instance, if someone cuts you
off on the highway, you could be taken over by road rage and risk an
accident as you speed up to confront the driver.
“It is totally possible to have intense emotions, to react strongly, and
be completely regulated,” says Dr. Kim L. Gratz, a professor of
psychology at the University of Toledo in Ohio. Emotions are a healthy
and natural part of life. The question is how we react to those emotions
and whether we can manage them in acceptable ways.
Signs of emotional dysregulation
Therapists look for certain characteristics to determine whether a
patient is suffering from emotional dysregulation. The following signs
point to emotional dysregulation:
1. Avoidance of certain feelings
When individuals with emotional
dysregulation feel overwhelming painful emotions, like intense anger or
sadness, they might prefer to disconnect from them. This prevents you
from figuring out where those emotions come from and act effectively to
resolve them.
The same is true if you see your emotions as ‘unacceptable.’ For
instance, you could feel ashamed when experiencing anger or sadness. To
learn more about avoidance behavior, check out our previous article -
How to Recognize and Overcome Avoidance Behavior.
2. Sabotaging relationships
According to the clinical psychologist, Dr.
Jill P. Weber, people who struggle with emotional dysregulation usually
engage in self-destructive ways to manage their emotions and make
themselves feel better. That is especially apparent in their
relationships.
A good example of this is overreacting when you’re upset. “If you’re
upset with your romantic partner, you may go to drastic lengths to make
sure the partner gets just how upset you are,” explains Weber. So
instead of having a conversation with your partner, you might break off
the relationship, burst into anger, or verbally belittle them.
3. Engaging in unhealthy behaviors
Self-sabotaging behavior can manifest itself in many different ways. In
order to cope with their intense feelings, emotionally dysregulated
people may engage in destructive and risky behaviors, such as drinking,
taking drugs, or gambling. Other kinds of self-harm include eating
disorders and extreme perfectionism.
4. Inability to resolve conflicts
Resolving arguments healthily, whether they
happen with coworkers, family members, or anyone else, doesn’t come
easy to many people. It is an acquired skill, but emotionally
dysregulated people have an especially tough time resolving conflicts in
productive ways.
Disagreements over small daily matters like which color to paint the
bedroom might become blown out of proportion and escalate into a fight.
That is because the person with emotional dysregulation experiences
significant anxiety, fear of being abandoned, inadequacy, or shame as a
result of the argument. These overwhelming emotions make it
significantly more difficult to address the problem at hand and find a
solution.
5. Other mental issues
There are various mental health disorders with emotional dysregulation
as the central or prominent feature. These include depression,
borderline disability disorder, ADHD, and eating disorders. All of these
conditions require professional medical help.
Treatments of emotional dysregulation
The primary causes of emotional dysregulation are early childhood
trauma, neglect, or traumatic brain injury. There may be a genetic
component to it too, according to some experts. “Some people have more
strong emotions, some people have less strong emotions. It’s just the
way they’re born,” says Dr. Gratz. Being sensitive and having stronger
emotions may be harder to regulate, but biology isn't necessarily a
sentence. Managing your emotions takes skills, and they can be learned
and practiced at any stage of one's life.
Expert stress that, in most cases,
emotional dysregulation isn’t a standalone disorder. Usually, it's part
of a larger diagnosis - like anxiety or PTSD. The best way to address
emotional dysregulation, if you suspect it, is by seeking the help of a
mental health professional. Depending on your diagnosis and specific
situation, a therapist will suggest a therapeutic approach that will
suit you best. A skilled counselor can give you the tools that will help
you cope with the feelings you’re experiencing.
It’s important to remember that you are not alone, whether you are
overwhelmed by emotions nearly every day or just occasionally.