Banish These Thoughts for a Better Life
We all develop negative and toxic attitudes
at times, and none of us are invulnerable to mood swings or thoughts
that dampen our happiness. That doesn't mean you should surrender to
them. Whether your negative attitude appears often or is a rare
occurrence, it is important for your long-term happiness that you manage
to identify the thoughts that create it, together with what will change
how you think.
The 12 toxic and negative thoughts
presented here pass through most of our minds, and it's best to know how
to handle them, freeing ourselves to live a truly happy life.
1. "I may not be happy right now, but I
know I'll be happy in the future."
Instead of being thankful for having two working legs, a body that can
do so many things and a brain that works all the time, many people
complain about their weight and their looks. Instead of being thankful
for the roof over our heads, many people pray for a shiny new car. Don't
be one of those people. You may not have everything now, but you have
plenty. To see that, just make a list of things to be thankful for. The
world is full of people who would trade places with you in a heartbeat.
Don't wait for happiness later when you can have it now. It's all about
appreciating what you DO have.
2. "Happiness depends on great moments and
specific circumstances."
For some, chasing happiness is not the same as being happy. For those
who chase, happiness is always just out of reach, and only occurs during
special, specific moments. There's nothing wrong with enjoying some
sunshine or the chirping of birds, but one must separate happy moments
with being a happy person. Happy moments pass because time always passes
and it's inevitable that they do. We expect to be happy 24 hours a day,
seven days a week, wanting a life where every action is rewarded.
However, this kind of attitude only leads to disappointment and changing
moods.
If you're serious about being happy, then chasing it is a bit more
complicated. It's not always about momentary thrills and instant
gratification. This isn't a game of tag - it's more "hide and seek". The
goal is to live a life that is meaningful to YOU. It starts with asking
yourself: "Why do I do what I do every day?" When that answer gives you
meaning and joy, then you will have found your happiness.
3. "Every step I take, for myself and for others, must be logical."
If we only ever listened to our logic, we'd lose our passion, our sense
of romance and probably some of the long-standing friendships we have
with others. We'd be stuck thinking we're going to fail at everything we
do, that we will end up getting hurt. But that is nonsense, because if
we truly lived our lives that way, we wouldn't be living at all!
If you shape your every action so it seems logical to you or to others,
you may feel 100% safe from acting like a fool, but will spend your
whole life waiting for something to happen. Sometimes you just need to
try new things and take risks. Sometimes you just need to get up and do
what feels right to you. A man did not invent the plane because flying
made sense, he invented it because he had a passion; because he wanted
to do something that seemingly defied logic and make it come true.
4. "I'm not good enough to do this."
When you find yourself in a circle of self-hate, you must remember that
you were not born this way. At some point in your past, someone or
something sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and
you've internalized that lie and accepted it as the truth. But it isn't a
lie you should carry on your back, and those that judge you are not
you, so what do they know about what you can or cannot do?
In the same way that you learned to see yourself in a negative light,
you can also learn to see yourself in a positive one. Every time you
feel this inadequacy, see it as a challenge and prove to yourself and to
others that you have self-respect and that no one has control over what
you can and cannot do. It won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight,
but it's possible with enough practice. It starts when you give
yourself a break, and consider the possibility that you CAN do anything.
5. "Everyone should love me."
People who are constantly on the hunt for other people's approval
eventually wear others out. They are stuck with the desperate need to
prove their worth, time after time, always trying to get positive
attention from the people around them. Ironically, they often get the
opposite result, because they suck the energy of others trying to get
their attention, and end up annoying them. Even worse, they exhaust
themselves in the process, and eventually become frustrated and angry
because they couldn't get what they wanted.
There is a much bigger picture to look at in life, and there's much more
for which to strive than other people's approval. Imagine yourself
living completely alone, without seeing anyone. What would make you
happy then? What would you do?
If you want people to love you, help them. Give them the love you wish
to receive. They may not always give it back, but it will help you find
happiness in giving rather than receiving.
6. "I've seen and heard it all."
No matter how much you know, how much you've learned or how many
experiences you've been through, this life is much too complex for
anyone to be able to say that. Every day is a chance for a surprise, and
you should never think that you're done learning. We learn every day,
from the moment we're born, to the moment we close our eyes for the last
time. Keep an open mind, because very often, the things we thought we
knew end up giving us some valuable new lessons.
7. "I need to be in control."
Imagine you are driving your car and get stuck in traffic. There's
nothing you can do but to be patient. Yet, that doesn't stop most of us
from changing lanes, trying to bypass other cars or even, in desperate
cases, driving on the other side of the road. These are all attempts to
regain control over a situation that we simply cannot change. This leads
to frustration, and when we finally do get to where we were going, we
already feel negative and frustrated, which may cause us to take it out
on others, or just make ourselves feel worse.
Accept the fact that sometimes we have no control over what happens to
us, but remember that no matter what happens and no matter what the
result is, it will always work out in the end. Don't sacrifice your
present for a future you fear. Let go and let life happen, invest your
energy in the good things you can control, like spending time with your
loved ones.
8. "I've been hurt so bad that I'll never recover."
Pain and loss is a big part of life, and keeping them fresh in our
memory only causes them to last longer. One of the hardest things to do
in this world is to let go of the pain that we both hate and jealously
keep, whether that pain comes from guilt, anger or tragic loss.
Sometimes forgetting and letting go is the only choice that can cure us
and release us emotionally from memories we use to haunt ourselves.
It's not easy letting go - it takes hard work and focus, but it's worth
the effort when you feel that weight lifting from your shoulders. Stop
reading old chapters in your book of life and start making some new
ones. Learn from your past mistakes and move forward. Sure, there will
be new mistakes to make, but that is part of living a meaningful life.
9. "Everything that happens is personally connected to me."
It's easy to believe that everything that happens around us is somehow
connected to us personally. It's easy to believe you are unloved or
unwanted when people seem angry or unfriendly. But the truth is most
people make their choices based on what they're going through
themselves, and it rarely has anything to do with you personally.
Someone might have a bad day, and we all have our own problems and
struggles to overcome. Don't take things personally, understand that
every person around you is just trying to find their own way through
good and bad days alike.
10. "I'm better than other people."
Be humble. Admit your mistakes and know when to ask for forgiveness. Ask
others for their help and remember those to whom you owe your success.
This constant act of comparing yourself to others will only bring you
frustration and anger. It's a thought that we use as a shield to prove
to ourselves we have worth. You DO have worth, and so does every other
person. Realize that and compare yourselves only to the person you see
in the mirror.
Remember, climb a mountain not so people can look at you, but so you can
look at the world.
11. "What they don't know won't hurt them."
We all tell little white lies now and again. But even the simplest
little lie can cause us stress and anxiety in the long run. In fact,
it's quite terrifying to think that most people are more surprised by
honesty than they are by lies. The one thing that unites people the most
is being open and honest with one another; helping others see the world
the way it is instead of selling them illusions.
Most importantly, don't lie for the sake of your own mental health. It's
such an easier life when you're simply being honest and have nothing to
hide.
12. "I just don't have time for my family and friends."
Neglect is almost as bad as abuse to some people. You may feel a little
regret now, but you'll feel a lot more of it later in life, when most
people wished they had worked less and made more time for their loved
ones. And when we lose one of our dear friends or a family member, we
feel as if we would give anything for just one more hour, even a few
minutes, with them again. Think about that when you look at them, every
moment is precious. Spend it well.
Take the time to have a really good conversation with a member of your
family every once in a while. Share with them, be honest with them and
above all - give them your attention. Life is too short not to spend it
with those we love. Make the right choices so you don't regret them
later.
A few more words...
If you notice some of these behaviors and thoughts in yourself, remember
that you're not alone. We all have a negative side buried deep within
us, and it has the potential of bubbling up to the surface when we least
expect it. The key is your own awareness, so identify the toxic
thoughts and behaviors when they happen and stop them in time. Remember
these tips and live your life the way you're supposed to - happy.