6 Tips to Support a Loved One Suffering from PTSD
Post-traumatic
stress disorder is a crippling mental condition that has long been
associated with military service, but the truth is that it can affect
anyone and can be triggered by any number of traumatic experiences, such
as sexual abuse, being the victim of a physical attack, childhood
trauma and the sudden death of a loved one, among many other potential
catalysts. It's not the objective strength of the experience, but the
SUBJECTIVE event the person believes they experienced and so many
factors go into creating a traumatic event.
A
person suffering from PTSD may experience vivid flashbacks of the
traumatic event, nightmares, nervous breakdowns triggered by some cue
that is in some way related to the traumatic event, avoidance of certain
social situations, irritability and dramatic fright responses, such as
exaggerated flight or fight responses to being spooked (becoming
panicked or lashing at others).
Living
with PTSD can be a major impediment to a normal daily work routine, but
much more so in relationships with loved ones. Being in a relationship
with a partner suffering from PTSD can be quite the emotional trial for
anyone, as you can feel a lot of frustration relating to your loved
one’s new vulnerabilities, listlessness or willingness to open up to
you. As your loved one’s mood swings wildly from anger to crying
sessions, it may seem at times like you’re living with a complete
stranger.
It’s
important to understand that your loved one did not choose any of this.
They didn’t choose to experience trauma, and they certainly didn’t
choose to have PTSD. Blaming them or feeling resentment towards them for
something that is completely out of their control will never help
matters, and while trauma does change a person, they are still, at their
core and being, the person you fell in love with.
Recovery
from PTSD can be tricky. Trauma is often compared to scarring. The
trauma will always remain, leaving a sensitive patch on the soul, but
the degree to which it affects our lives should decrease if given the
opportunity to heal properly, and as their partner, it is your task to
make sure they get that opportunity to heal.
So what can you do to make sure the person you love heals?
So what can you do to make sure the person you love heals?
1. Be Patient
Our
society can be very unforgiving towards people suffering from mental
illnesses. We tend to allot people a grieving or recuperation period
after which we expect them to “get over it” and get back to normal. Your
loved one is likely feeling this condescending pressure to go on with
their life as if nothing happened on all fronts, and so it is upon you
to create the one safe place where their pain is treated seriously and
where they can deal with it on their terms. Don’t rush them, don’t
signal in any way that you’re waiting for them to get better, just stand
by them.
2. Don’t Take It Personally
PTSD
is often characterized by mood swings, anger, and social withdrawal,
and often, when you live with someone suffering from PTSD, you can feel
like the target of your partner’s irritable behavior, or even feel like
the person you love is purposely shutting you out. It’s critical that
you understand none of this behavior has anything to do with you or your
qualities as a person or as a partner, and so the last thing you should
do is take offense. The worst behaviors often manifest in places or
with people the traumatized person feels safest. If your partner is
distant, angry or in an explosive mood, stay calm, ask how you can help
them and give them space if they need it.
3. Listen
When
your partner talks about their trauma, listen and do your best to
withhold judgment. It doesn’t matter if you’ve heard it before, or if
something they say offends your sensibilities. Listen to them and be
supportive. Talking about the thing that makes them hurt is a natural
way of coping with it and processing the pain to the point that it
becomes manageable.
4. Join Them in Therapy
PTSD
can be the loneliest place in the world and having a partner that
doesn’t “get it” can make it so much worse. Consider joining your
partner in therapy sessions, so you can get an unguarded look into what
they’re going through. In fact, as caring for a person suffering PTSD
can be rough on you, too, consider couples’ counseling. A couple doesn’t
need to be on the brink of divorce to seek professional help that will
help them function better as a team, and if there ever was a crisis that
required this kind of therapy, this is it.
5. Manage Triggers
Learn
what can trigger a depressive bout or emotional breakdown in your loved
one. These can be certain conversation topics, sights or sounds that
can evoke the trauma, dates, people or places that remind them of the
event, pressure, and situations that are linked in some way to the
trauma (a funeral, seeing a car accident, watching soldiers in battle on
TV, etc.). Learn how to avoid these triggers with your partner and try
to learn what calms them down when they’re in this vulnerable state.