Is Your Partner Gaslighting You? Here's How to Tell..
Gaslighting is a term which is used by
psychiatric professionals to refer to an unfortunately common
manipulation tactic used in abusive relationships. Gaslighters use their
powers of manipulation to gradually make their victims end up
questioning their own sanity, ultimately submitting to their will. If
you suspect that you or someone you know is a victim of gaslighting,
here are 10 signs that you should watch out for
1. They Can't Stop the Lies
Gaslighters lie with intent and conviction, in a very confident manner.
They can lie with a straight face as they tell you something that you
both know is not true. Such lies serve to set a precedent since once
told they know that you will be unsure if anything they say is true,
which will throw you off kilter and gradually chip away at your guard
and judgment.
2. They Accuse Others of Being Liars
Anyone that disagrees with a gaslighter is automatically deemed by them
to be a liar. What can’t be rationalized is instead explained as people
simply being jealous or wanting to break up your relationship. This is
to tear you away from the competing ideas of others and those who may
possibly be able to help you. When you’ve let go of competing
relationships, the abuser is then free to abuse you uninterrupted.
3. They Deny Everything
Denying things ever happened is one of the things that gaslighters do
best. They’ll say or do something and then turn around and explicitly
deny it ever took place. Even when faced with proof, they’ll find a
fallacy to fall back on or a way to discredit the evidence. Eventually,
the person’s word you once knew was so wrong end up turning into a
replacement for reality, as you start to believe what they say as the
truth.
4. Their Actions and Words Don't Match
When your partner is a gaslighter, their words and actions will never
correlate, leaving you to constantly question their motives and
behaviors. Unfortunately, the more you try to understand them, the more
complex it becomes, as they will always keep you guessing with
professions of love that are absolutely contrary to the actions they
take that hurt you so much.
5. They Attack What Defines You as You
Gaslighters attack your job, parenting role, family, talents,
personality, goals and anything else that gives you meaning and purpose.
Bit by bit, they’ll wear you down until you feel utterly worthless and
unworthy of anything good or decent.
6. They Suck the Energy Out of You
Gaslighting sucks all your energy away. It’s the degrading comment here,
the lie there, the chip to your confidence today, and the crack in your
perception tomorrow that all add up to you becoming too tired to fight
back. You'll soon end up questioning who you even are any more, and sure
enough, your abuser will be there to supply you with all the answers.
7. They Act Like an Anti-villain
Gaslighters aren’t going to be the evil villain all the time since this
would foil their plans. In fact, it is necessary for them to throw you a
bone of kindness every so often in order for you to have a number of
fond memories to look back on in times of doubt. This may end up leading
you to gradually lose all faith in yourself, giving your abuser all the
power he could ever wish for.
8. They Thrive in Your Confusion
For a gaslighter, confusion is the perfect weapon. After making you hurt
or confused, the gaslighter leaves you vulnerable and exposed. Of
course, that is the perfect opportunity for them to come and offer you a
fake dose of warmth and affection, which is an attempt to lure you in,
before dealing you yet another blow before too much time has elapsed.
It's an endless cycle, that only gets worse as time goes on. This is why
leaving and cutting all contact with such an abuser is one of the most
effective methods of finally getting free, since they will have no way
of trying to lure you back in.
9. They Project Like Crazy
It's always your fault and never theirs. For every objection that you
ever bring up against them, they will always have a million excuses as
to why it's actually your fault instead. This results in you being so
busy defending yourself that you don’t have time or energy to
investigate what they’re actually up to.
10. They Publicly Destroy Your Character
As you remain silent, your gaslighter is working hard to erase your
credibility and tarnish your image. You’ll be presented as a person who
is incapable of making sane decisions. Your abuser will appear fresh as a
daisy should you ever decide to expose their gaslighting. Nobody will
believe you, and your abuser will be your only source of comfort.