8 Questions That’ll Help Calm You When You’re Anxious
Worries and stressful thoughts attack each
of us by surprise, and it is not easy for everyone to deal with them;
they can paralyze us and prevent us from acting, which in most cases
leads us to an even worse situation than we feared. However, there are a
number of psychologists recommended questions that you can ask yourself
in the event of worry whose answers will help to reassure you. So the
next time you are too stressed out about something, try asking yourself
the following 8 questions, answer them honestly and let the answers you
think of come free you and relax your worries.
1. "What evidence do I have that my fear
will materialize?"
The next time you are confident about something bad or embarrassing that
is about to happen to you, ask yourself what evidence you have that it
will happen. "The questions we want to ask need to anchor us back into
reality," says Dr. Joshua Klapow, a psychologist, and professor at the
University of Alabama. Therefore, you have to answer this question based
on the evidence you have, not based on your feelings.
2. "What are the best, worst, and most
realistic scenarios that can play out?"
When you try to see things as they are, objectively, ask yourself that
question. "When people are stressed, they focus on the worst case
scenario, which hardly ever happens," says Dr. Paul DePompo, a
psychologist from southern California, USA. "Teach yourself to
concentrate not just on one bad scenario, but on all three types of
scenarios, refocusing primarily on the realistic scenario, - will help
calm you down."
3. "Based on past experience, how will I
cope with this frightening situation in the end?"
If you become anxious every day on your way to work, or whenever you
need to speak to an audience, think about the way you have dealt with
this problem before. "You're still here, safe and sound, right? That
means you've survived the same scary situation many times before and
you'll be able to deal with it again," says Dr. DePompo. "Anxious people
filter out all the times they have coped and handled things well."
That's why recalling past successes can really help. So try to remember
consciously the previous experience that relates to the current
stressful situation, and let your experience assure you that everything
will be all right.
4. "Am I worrying just to worry?
None of us is deliberately worried, but anxiety can become a kind of
unintended habit for our brains. So asking this question can help you
overcome your worries, in case you have become used to responding this
way to any stressful situation. Try to understand whether you are
worried because "something" can happen - and theoretically anything can
happen so that every little step in life should be stressful - or
whether your concern stems only from habit, and in this case remind
yourself that life is simpler than it seems and that all things tend to
turn out well.
5. "Is my health actually in danger?"
Sometimes when we are under great stress for a long time, we begin to
feel its effects on our bodies. It is very important that you know that
in the case of anxiety and stress, in the vast majority of cases, the
answer to the question in the title is "no" - "anxiety is a mental and
psychological state," says Dr. Nicole Martinez Psy.D, LCPC. "It is
excessive worry, restlessness, racing heart, palpitations, to name a few
of the symptoms." While these symptoms are terrible in themselves, you
must keep telling yourself that everything will be fine, because
everything will probably work out, so you can relax.
6. "Am I safe?"
Stress increases when our brain activates a mechanism that signals
danger, but in reality, chances are that you are just sitting on your
living room couch or with friends and family who are worried about you,
and you are not in real danger. In the past, our brain would have worked
like this if we had encountered a lion or other predator, for example,
but today we are not living in the wild and such dangers are not
everywhere. So when you get stressed, just look around, collect
information to confirm that everything is fine, and let reality reassure
you.
7. "Why do I feel so anxious?"
If anxiety suddenly attacks you, ask yourself immediately why it
happened. "Identifying the source of your anxiety is the most effective
way to start treating it," says Dr. Carol Lieberman, a well-known
psychologist who has a mental health radio show. Try to understand what
caused the anxiety to appear, and why it is so threatening or important.
8. "What is the story I create for myself?"
While it is not your fault that you feel stressed, tense and anxious,
your thoughts may make things worse than they really are. So you have to
ask yourself what story you are creating in your mind. Coach Mattison
Grey, MEd, MMC (IAC) says: "For example, if you have a job interview
soon, you may be worried that you’ll screw it up.” Failure in the job
interview is the story that you have invented for yourself about what
will happen in the future. Since this story is not based on evidence,
but on gut feelings only, you must release it and invent the story you
wish to realize.
It is much easier to talk about these tips
than to do them because anxiety can be a hugely destructive force, but
if you are willing to challenge your thoughts and ask the right
questions, you may be able to see things differently and calm yourself.
This is what experts recommend, and it will help you deal with worrying
situations in a more positive and beneficial way than giving in to your
fears and anxiety.