How to Recognize and Overcome Avoidance Behavior
It’s safe to assume that everyone will find
this scenario familiar: you are watching an episode of your favorite
show, and then another one, and then another one. Meanwhile, you know
full well that you have tasks and chores to get done. This is a general
example of avoidance behavior, which is a way to manage stress by
avoiding difficult thoughts or feelings. When you ignore or delay
dealing with a stressful or socially complex situation through constant
distractions, you are practicing avoidance behavior, according to the
American Psychological Association (APA).
This defense mechanism can take on many
forms. If you hate public speaking, you may call in sick on the day you
have to give a presentation at work. One may also avoid seeing a certain
family member by never answering their calls or messages. It's
important to understand the difference between avoidance and
procrastination. While the latter also means delaying a task,
procrastination can be positive. It gives people time to process,
promotes creativity, and reduces the chance of being overwhelmed. On the
other hand, avoidance is a broader term for refusing to face an issue
or task.
People who have general anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
are more likely to engage in avoidance behavior, but it could happen to
anyone at one point in their life. After all, nobody likes to be
stressed, and it makes sense for us to try and avoid situations we
perceive as negative. However, it is important to recognize when
avoidance becomes a pattern and how it can be overcome.
Signs of avoidance behavior
1. Escapism
Turning to books, television, movies, or
even a bit of harmless daydreaming when we need a little break from
reality is fine. This coping strategy was especially prevalent during
the Covid-19 pandemic when we all had a little bit too much free time on
our hands.
Engaging in these escapist pastimes becomes a problem when it takes
precedence over socializing with loved ones, working, or even leaving
the house. In this case, it qualifies as avoidance behavior.
2. Wishful thinking
A person who relies on wishful thinking will often bend reality to
interpret facts according to their desires. There is an important
difference between wishful thinking and optimism. The latter allows you
to recognize reality for what it is and then adapt and change your own
behavior to get the best outcome. In other words, you meet challenges
with a strategy and work hard to achieve positive results.
Wishful thinking, on the other hand, ignores the facts and gives way to
delusions. Instead of planning or acting, a wishful thinker passively
hopes that things will turn out for the best.
3. Self-isolation
If you tend to put off meetings with
friends or repeatedly turn down invitations for social opportunities, it
could be a pattern of avoidance. While it’s vital to take time for
yourself from time to time, isolating yourself continually is a sign
that you are trying to avoid certain anxieties or fears.
4. Burying your emotions
Have you ever been told that you are cold in emotional situations? This
kind of stoicism may be emotional restraint to avoid dealing with your
feelings. The problem is that when you don’t address your feelings, they
can come out in a less than healthy way. For example, this could lead
to sudden outbursts of anger or extreme discomfort from minor things.
How to overcome avoidance behavior
1. Identity active coping techniques
The next time you are facing a stressful task or situation, take a
moment and assess your options. Instead of pretending like the problem
doesn't exist, ask yourself, ‘What can I do to positively affect my
situation?’ That way, you feel like you have control over what is
happening.
For example, if you need to have a
difficult conversation with a coworker and you have been putting it off
for days, follow these steps. What you can do to actively tackle this
task is to make a clear plan of your steps while also recognizing that
you feel anxious about it. This could include writing down what you are
going to say, deciding on a neutral place to talk, and enlisting the
help of another colleague, if necessary.
Another way to think about it is by imagining that you are outsourcing
the avoided task to someone else and then writing down clear
step-by-step directions for that “person.” Doing so can help you get the
psychological distance you need to have more reasonable expectations
and the clarity of mind to come up with practical coping tools.
2. Find ways to relieve stress
According to mental health experts,
engaging in stress-relieving activities before an event can help you
approach the situation with calmness. Clinical psychologist Dr. Alice
Boyes stresses the importance of finding sustainable stress-relief
habits (like yoga, for example) rather than impulsive ones (like going
on a vacation).
Another tip is not to let these activities become a distraction from
what you need to do or a gateway to avoidance. Instead, use them as prep
work - a way to relax and decompress before entering a difficult
situation.
3. Practice
Once you understand the personal stressors that trigger avoidance in
you, you can start ‘building tolerance’ and mastering skills for
handling those specific situations. In other words, get lots of practice
in doing the things you find anxiety-inducing. “Start with things that
are mildly anxiety-provoking, and work gradually,” says Boyes.
For example, if it is social anxiety that you’re dealing with, start by
going somewhere familiar or attending a small gathering of people you
know. Then slowly venture out. Remember that baby steps are much bigger
than no action at all.
4. Remember that bad experiences have a
positive side too
No matter what we do, it’s simply impossible to avoid bad experiences
completely, and that’s okay. We need negative experiences to learn and
grow. Remember that section about practice and baby steps? The more you
avoid, the less practice you get in combating challenging situations.
Encountering an anxiety-inducing circumstance or conversation and
working through it will make you better prepared and less anxious in the
future.
5. Clear your day
This tip is efficient when you have an
important task you have been avoiding for a while. Choose a day and
clear your entire schedule. Then make a deal with yourself that once
you’ve done the avoided action, the rest of the day is yours to spend
however you like.
That doesn’t necessarily mean doing one thing and then spending 90% of
your day watching television. The point of having your day cleared out
is to do the productive work you’ve been putting off at a relaxed pace.
It doesn’t mean the task will suddenly become enjoyable, but you will
have the peace of mind to finish it, plus you can look forward to the
reward you will give yourself afterward.