9 Effective Self-Control Tips to Help You Overcome Anger
Mark Twain once said, "Anger is an acid
that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to
anything on which it is poured." It is difficult to control anger, which
often resembles a volcano that can erupt at any moment, grabbing hold
of us in one second of inattention and taking over us until it is too
late.
However, the good news is that if you know
the following methods and tips for dealing with anger, you can help
yourself and your children understand this feeling better and discover
ways to control it. Apply these ideas in your life and you’ll soon
discover how relaxed you can be and how much control you’ll suddenly
have over your life.
1. Use the finger drumming method 
The method of finger drumming is an emotional release method developed
in the 1980s based on references in Chinese medicine to "release energy
flow in the body." This healing tool helps reduce reactions to strong
emotions and manage life with calm and ease. The original process
involves regular drumming of the fingers while saying a particular
mantra, but the simple version of this method is equally effective and
can work even for children if you teach them how to use it.
Whenever you feel emotional stress, drum your index and middle finger on
your collarbone until you feel calmer. If you do this as soon as the
nerves start and gradually slow yourself down, you’ll find yourself
relaxing. You don’t have to do it in front of other people if you don’t
want to, just go to another room for a few minutes and use this method
until you calm down.
2. Focus all nerves in the navel
We all think of the heart as the center of the body, but in fact, the
center of the body is in the navel, to which you can focus all your
thoughts instead of placing them on the person in front of you. This
method can also be taught to children and it works very well. All you
have to do is flex your stomach muscles and try to hold your navel to
your spine. If you have done yoga or Pilates before, you already know
this movement.
This exercise calms and strengthens, it provides a strong sense of
control and the chances of your anger erupting will decrease
significantly. It is recommended to close your eyes when using this
method because when you open them back up you’ll be able to feel the
calm and control consciously and clearly.
3. Create a regular process for dealing
with anger
Most of us know what causes us to be upset, and if there are certain
situations in which you already know you’ll give in to your nerves, it
is recommended that you set yourself up to deal with anger in a specific
way. If, for example, you know that you react angrily when someone else
yells at you, you can get yourself used to explaining your feelings or
behavior calmly without forming an emotional response if you say
something like "when you shout at me you hurt me very much" or “It makes
me angry. "
You can even say this to yourself because it is important that you
identify your anger problem and the emotions that pop up in you. If you
recognize the emotion once it is created, help yourself control it and
prevent situations that will worsen if you give in to it.
4. Learn how to release
Anger accumulates when we are frustrated, but if you take a step back
and wait 5 minutes, you can often realize how ridiculous it is to get
upset about the situation - not always, but very often. Before you
explode, wait a moment and see if there is anything that might seem
silly and funny about what’s annoying you.
For example, I once attended a meeting very early in the morning, which
dealt with canceling me and my colleagues’ overtime. The fact that we
were expected to spend extra hours in the morning to talk about
canceling overtime did irritate me at first, but when I understood the
amusing part of it I could joke with my co-workers instead of talking
about how frustrating the situation was.
5. Practice relaxation daily
We experience anger and frustration almost daily, and the more we
experience these feelings, the more they become a routine part of our
lives that dictate our actions. When you commit to practicing relaxation
on a daily basis, you contradict those feelings of anger and
frustration and incorporate positive rather than negative elements into
your life.
It isn’t difficult and doesn’t require any special effort, all you have
to do is incorporate calmness in your life more often than anger. Spend a
few small moments each day doing something that calms you down knowing
you're doing a relaxing activity. If you want to be more careful, count
all the times you were annoyed throughout the day and make sure that the
next day you do the same number of soothing things. If you do this even
for one month, you’ll already feel the change.
6. Step out of the argument room
There is a Monty Python sketch, in which Michael Palin pays for an
argument in the argument room. We often do the same thing when, instead
of using the money, we seek arguments by trying to push our opinions on
people who don’t want to hear them. Whenever you feel you are about to
enter this “argument room," ask yourself whether it really is worth it.
When my father grumbled and complained about something I had done when I
was a child, I would have mostly given in to the unnecessary argument
because I didn’t want to go into this room with him. I knew that after
the argument the two of us would be angrier than we had been when we
entered. Therefore, you too should learn to identify these situations
and avoid them, because usually, nothing comes out of them as long as
the other party isn’t open to an actual discussion. You can go back and
discuss the subject after a while when both sides have calmed down.
7. Look for a backrest
If you feel you are about to lose control of your anger, you may just
need support, and you can accept it even without asking for help from
another person. Lean on a tree or wall, or sit on the floor. Connecting
to the ground or any other contact that supports your body helps you
feel physically and mentally supported, relaxed and stable. It is a
strategy that helps you break away from strong feelings and gives you
control over them.
You can make this practice more expedient if you keep a small rock in
your pocket and play with it whenever you feel you are in a state of
turmoil. Feel the texture of the stone, notice its temperature and
examine its weight. These actions help you focus on the physical reality
and stabilize your emotions.
8. Be curious
One of the things that inflates our anger to exaggerated levels are
fights and yelling, often resulting from misunderstandings. If you feel
that you are a person who tends to get upset and finally realize that
you simply didn’t understand the other person well, turn your anger into
curiosity. Inquire about the person's point of view and try to
understand it more. Ask questions until you understand the way the other
sees things. Once you do this, it will be easier to find a solution to
the problem that suits both of you.
This method is especially important when we get angry at our children,
who even if they seem to be trying to annoy us deliberately, usually
under their words and actions are hidden problems that we can solve if
we only talk to them and try to understand them instead of succumbing to
our nerves.
9. Look for the emotion that lies beneath the anger
Anger is often an emotion that hides our real feelings. The next time
you feel that your anger is growing, look inside for what it is trying
to hide deep within you. If you are able to uncover the hidden emotion,
you’ll be able to deal with the real cause of your emotional response.
Think about the last time someone cut you off on the road. At that
moment, you must have experienced a fear that quickly turned into
frustration and resentment. Think about the time you missed a meeting or
an event because of someone else who was holding you back. Under the
anger you may feel disappointed with yourself for not planning your day
better, someone else making you wait or you’re just afraid of the
consequences of being late. Either way, anger is not the emotion in
which you should invest all your energy to solve problems.