Warning Signs of Low Self Esteem and Lack of Confidence
Being confident in yourself is one of the
most important, and most challenging, traits to have. Self-confidence
can fuel success, while low self-esteem can impede it. Even if you
struggle with self-esteem issues, it’s probably not something you’d want
to broadcast or the kind of impression that you’d like to give people.
There is a certain set of behaviors,
habits, and patterns that not only make you seem insecure, they also
perpetuate that feeling in your mind. To start changing the way you and
others perceive yourself, and raise your self-esteem, it is important to
acknowledge these habits and swap them for alternative healthier ones.
These are 7 signs that can point to low self-esteem.
1. Being overly positive
Having a sunny outlook on life is great,
don’t get us wrong. In some cases, however, the need to put a positive
spin on everything is a veil for a feeling of insecurity or low
self-esteem. Talking to your loved ones openly and honestly about
frustrating experiences or emotions sends the message you are confident
enough, and trust them enough, to admit that not everything is perfect.
Moreover, being overly positive and refusing to look at what’s not going
well has a destructive downside that leads to avoiding the truth. If
you numb yourself into a sense of OK-ness, you can’t really solve the
problems in your life and raise your confidence
2. Excessive perfectionism
Some perceive the need to always achieve
perfection, or perfectionism, as a sign of confidence - someone with
such high expectations of themselves must really believe in their
abilities, right? Well, not always. Being overly perfectionist can be a
manifestation of fear of failure. This will lead a person to ‘get stuck’
on a task, trying to get that perfect unattainable result, and stop
them from making actual progress.
For example, if you’re about to have some friends over, you may feel
stressed that the house isn’t clean enough. Instead of taking 30 minutes
to tidy up and make the place look welcoming, you might spend hours on
an unnecessary deep clean. If you have very high standards, try to
reflect on them, and understand where they are coming from and whether
they take a toll on the way you feel about yourself.
3. Constantly bragging about your accomplishments
Social media has made sharing the best
moments of our lives easier than ever. Every visit to a beautiful
destination, a nice meal, academic achievements, and so on can be
broadcast to the world at the push of a button. Constantly having to
remind others how great your life is can easily defeat the purpose, and
actually point to a sense of insecurity, low self-esteem, and a need for
external reassurance that you are, indeed, great.
Sharing the occasional celebratory moment is perfectly fine, as long as
your self-worth isn’t affected by the praise or jealousy of others. Your
real friends and your family love you for who you are, and sometimes,
taking a break from trying to impress strangers and acquaintances can do
wonders for your self-esteem and inner peace.
4. Trouble saying no
Those with low self-esteem have trouble
believing that people will like them for who they are, so they try to
‘give’ people reasons to like them. Being a yes-man means always being
available to lend a hand or do whatever others ask of you, putting their
needs in front of your own. Of course, some of it comes from being nice
and wanting to be helpful, but a big part of it comes from wanting to
please people.
Every time you help another person, but it comes at the expense of your
own needs or prior commitments, you send a message to your subconscious
that you are less important, or not important at all. Learning to say no
and setting healthy boundaries is essential for building up your
self-esteem.
5. Constantly seeking validation
Being anxious and indecisive about your
choices, asking for your friends' opinions too frequently - those are
some forms of seeking validation. It can be about simple decisions like
which coat to buy, or what restaurant to go to or it can be the
reassurance that something that you feel or think is appropriate.
Getting ‘approval’ from others can make you feel like you’re ‘free’ from
the burden of deciding, and possibly making the ‘wrong’ decision.
In the long run, however, it does the opposite of setting you free. By
not trusting yourself, you signal to others and yourself that you’re
unable to handle different situations.
6. Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing can be defined as
ruminating about irrational worst-case outcomes. If you have a tendency
for catastrophic thinking, it is bound to affect your self-esteem, and
the insecurity feeds the cycle of anxiety. Some examples of
catastrophizing are: “If my partner leaves me, I will never find anyone
else, and I will never be happy again,” or “If I don’t recover quickly
from this procedure, I will never get better, and I will be disabled my
entire life.”
Overcoming such thoughts can be difficult. The advice of several mental
health experts is: try to put your experience into perspective. When
becoming aware that you’re engaged in catastrophic thinking you should
counter that thinking by adopting a reasonable perspective on what’s
going on. Remind yourself that if you’re in pain this morning, it
doesn’t mean that you’ll be in pain every single morning, for example.
And of course, you can always seek the help of a professional if you
feel you need it.
7. Rejecting compliments
A new study published in the Journal of
Experimental Social Psychology found that people with low self-esteem
have the most difficulty accepting compliments. If you think you're
somehow flawed, or you believe that you aren't good enough, you might
have trouble understanding how others can say such kind things about you.
Instead of graciously accepting the compliment you may say something
like, “I was just doing what I had to do” or “It wasn’t me, it was a
team collaboration”. Slowly changing that habit could have a very
positive effect on your self-esteem.